tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24328674292964337162024-02-20T10:13:23.856-08:00Mind On DisplayAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.comBlogger113125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-14049125817880897172018-02-09T16:00:00.000-08:002018-06-11T15:01:25.138-07:00the most important letter I never sent<h4 style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The post you are about to read has haunted my mind for months, and I’ve delayed it way past its overdue date. The clock keeps ticking, faster and faster each day… but now time is up. </span></i><i><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And so, with great shame, sadness and regret, I give you “the most important letter I never sent”. </span></i></span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<i><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Dear F<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I am probably the last person you want to hear from right now, and I know whatever I say won’t change a thing, but I need <i>you</i> to know why even if it took me a while to figure it out myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I know I have told you about the bullying I grew up with, but I have never let you know the extent of the damage it caused. What now can be labelled as “just kids being mean”, left me drowning in a pool of self-doubt for most of my life. I was never pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough… I was never (or at least I felt I wasn’t) good enough. And that feeling of unworthiness followed me everywhere. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Until you came along and, suddenly, I was good enough, perhaps even pretty enough. And I could breathe again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">But that shadow of doubt was never too far behind. For a while, you kept me afloat; by the end, it was you pushing me down, back to the water you had pulled me out of.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When you left, I drowned again - I wasn’t good enough again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And everybody else kept trying to convince me that I <i>was</i> good enough, that I <i>am</i> good enough, over and over again… but the damage was done. My confidence was lost once more and I was back to square one, unsure of my own self-worth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I really thought that that attempt of reconnecting was helping; in a way it did. Just not in the way we both expected it. But if anything, it helped me realize I had left my mental health on the back burner and it wasn’t doing great. It also helped me finally understand that I cannot keep basing my own self-worth on what other people think of me. And finally, I knew that if I was ever going to give <i>us</i> another chance, I needed to be the best version of myself I could possibly be - for you and for myself- because we both deserve that. I wasn’t there then, I’m still not there yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I stayed silent because I was trying, and failing, to swim against the current, to stay afloat; trying to understand if I was strong enough to fight my own demons and still be who you deserved me to be. I failed at both, I failed you, and you paid the highest price.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I have come a really long way since that shameful day; I have taken risks I would otherwise never take; I have grown a little proud of my achievements (no matter how small they are) and sent them out into the world… and someone I don’t know and that doesn’t really know me, looked at them and decided I deserved a chance to prove my worth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">That is why time is up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I’ll wake up on Monday in a different country, with a job I always said I’d never do yet, so far, I have actually enjoyed doing. I am going to start fresh, be happy, and learn a whole lot of new things… And if things go right, I am not coming back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">If our paths ever cross again, I hope I’ll get the chance to apologize for how I dealt with things. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I hope Life treats you with kindness, and may you find happiness wherever you go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Yours always,<br />Love,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbKnEQdCjGg" target="_blank">A</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-86282106018530461752017-10-26T13:30:00.000-07:002017-10-26T13:30:08.085-07:00The Box<div style="text-align: justify;">
I found a box under my bed. And not just any box, I found "the" box; the one that holds all my bad poetry. Poems about my teenage years, about all the unrequited silly crushes, about heartbreaks and happier days.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've cursed that box so many times I've stopped counting. After each heartbreak, after each "darker" period of time, I'd write about all my anguish, all the pain, all the failed dreams...about all the things that would never be. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But the ones that struck the most are the ones I wrote to my now ex. I have copies of handwritten letters I sent and drafts of some that never reached their intended destination. And it surprised me what finding those papers made me miss wasn't the relationship on it self. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
No, finding and reading all those letters made me miss the feeling of <i>wanting</i> to write something specifically to someone. I haven't felt that way ever since.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I miss the feeling of caring so much about someone that you want that person to know just how strongly you feel, in writing, on actual paper. No ruched "i-love-you's" here and there, no half baked "i <3 u" on the phone.. No, I mean proper, well thougt letters with a beginning, middle and end that are aimed to <i>that</i> particular person. Those types of letters you draft and restart over and over because you feel like your feelings aren't coming through well enough.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My future now looks like a blank notebook waiting to be filled with whatever my next step might be. But I sure hope that writing more of those letters is hidden between the lines of the pages still waiting to be written.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Andie</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-52386419126269156522017-10-12T13:00:00.000-07:002017-10-12T13:00:48.377-07:00Mixed Feelings<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've been having mixed feelings...about my own feelings. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is no easy way to explain it. I don't think even I myself fully understand what's going on with me. It's like everything inside keeps building up for...something, only to falter and crash, burning all in its way down. My brain can't seem to commit to an emotion for long enough to allow me to actually act upon it. As if I've run out of time in my "free trial" of the pro version, and now I'm stuck with the crappy free version that promises to be just as good but we all know is not.<br />
<br />
I'm sabotaging myself and nobody wins.<br />
<br />
Maybe this is it. I've run out of my quota of "big", everlasting feelings and maybe from now on I'm destined to only feel everything in a superficial way and slowly turn in to a middle-aged spinster with five dogs to keep me company <strike>(fingers crossed on the dog part, I WANT A DOG!)</strike>.<br />
<br />
Or maybe my past and my own personal demons helped creating this shell of a person that suddenly realised she's scared of pretty much anything that might be classified as <i>too</i> intense. But that at the same time has the biggest hopes and dreams in the world! That wants to do so much, see so much, learn even more... <br />
<br />
I feel empty and at the same time too full to the point I'm bursting at the seams. I'm a walking contradiction. I want to hold tight to the past and simultaneously forget it happened. I want to be able to trust myself, my life, my heart in the hands of someone worthy but everything in me screams NO! I want to hold it tight and don't let go so it doesn't hurt, so I don't <i>get</i> hurt, so no one can disappoint me but myself.<br />
<br />
Because that I can deal with, I've had years of practice in the "letting myself down" department. There's a too long to count list of things I wish I had done, or done differently, locked in my head and everyday it grows bigger, darker, heavier.<br />
<br />
I know exactly what I <i>want</i> to be feeling, but getting from point A to point B never felt so hard.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Andie</div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-8176451996810522762017-09-01T17:22:00.000-07:002017-10-11T11:38:40.176-07:00The small things<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I've been m.i.a for a while, slightly dejected with the lack of inspiration to write about... anything really. No matter what I did, no words would come out in a "shape" I liked.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Something changed. But something else </span><span style="font-size: small;">happened today. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Something I have been waiting for for a while, but not consciously doing anything about.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">It was a ordinary day, in a ordinary week. I was wearing my favourite jeans and a batman t-shirt, barefoot and with my hair up in a messy bun. Nothing special or overly though over, no effort whatsoever was put on the way I looked today... But I passed by a mirror and had to look again: for the first time is too long, I actually liked what was staring back at me from the other side. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">It wasn't "perfect", but it was me and for the first time I felt like being me was good enough. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">And let me tell you, that's a pretty good feeling.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Andie</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-50194360971501404512017-05-31T15:25:00.000-07:002017-06-01T15:54:08.771-07:00Something Worth Being Proud Of<div style="text-align: justify;">
Everyone that has read a thing or two I <strike>(rarely never)</strike> post around here has realized I write about feelings (or complain about stuff, but that’s not relevant right now). And not just any feeling, usually I write about the really high points, and the really low ones. For the words to come to me, I’m either extremely happy/excited, or extremely sad/heartbroken/unsure about life. I’ve tried writing about all the in-between's, but it never turns out good enough. I’m incredibly mediocre in terms of writing about “meh” subjects. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But this is different, in a way. Because all my “feelings levels” have never been this much “meh”, but I still feel the need to write something about it. On the other hand, I guess we can still file this under the “unsure about life” category.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I reached an academic milestone last week: I finished my MSc degree. I told exactly three people about the date of the presentation – my parents and one friend that just happened to ask randomly at that time. Anyone that found out about it after that was either through the parents, or through the general e-mail the university sends every student (because here, these kind of presentations are considered open to the public).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’ve wondered <i>why</i> I didn’t told anyone. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
For one, it wasn’t a particularly interesting subject <strike>(no one came to watch it)</strike>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And two, I was kind of disappointed with the project itself. I mean, it had tons of potential in the beginning… But then there were delays, bureaucracy, sick days, needed material that took ages to arrive and countless empty promises to make it more “exciting” that turned out to be just that – empty. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’m still proud of it, kind of. It was sweat and tears, back pains and headaches, stubborn equipment and countless failed attempts until something worked out. But I did it. All on my own. I did it! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The excitement lasted three hours, maybe four. By the time tea time rolled around I was back at feeling the same emptiness. <i>What do I do with my life now? </i>I spent the four days that followed in the same state of mind.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But then there was this old guy, lets call him Tom, in my anti-gravity class at the gym that realized I had missed the class the week previous to that and asked why. And I told him I had stayed at the lab practicing my thesis presentation. But that it was done now, I had passed it with flying colours. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And Tom - who is practically a stranger that I see once or twice a week for forty five minutes on that anti-gravity class at the gym -, said he was proud of what I had accomplished. He knew nothing about the subject, or the project, or the countless ways it failed until it could be something. But just knowing I had done it was, in his eyes, reason enough. And then we had a lovely conversation about life choices.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And that my people, is what you should take from this abnormally long and random post. Life happens, things go wrong, you fall and think you lost the will to get back up… But you can’t just sit still and let Life fly by your eyes. Be proud of your achievements! No matter how small they seem, either in the big picture or compared to what someone else did. If is something <i>you</i> worked your ass off for, it’s something worth being <i>proud</i> of. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Andie.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGbHuvrv4ofykxeedFQ9gb5SErHiZe8kfjS8t8z6a-fseEWDgPeRyZotSCLJpQ1XgBt2nac3LiObBjnmWIXHMCeueSDAVt4en_aN3gPBT7iXOGP42_7qU4bd1ukNTJ0n6hNQfpEuYs7RQt/s1600/IMG_0193_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGbHuvrv4ofykxeedFQ9gb5SErHiZe8kfjS8t8z6a-fseEWDgPeRyZotSCLJpQ1XgBt2nac3LiObBjnmWIXHMCeueSDAVt4en_aN3gPBT7iXOGP42_7qU4bd1ukNTJ0n6hNQfpEuYs7RQt/s400/IMG_0193_.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><i>Embrace the blur</i></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Andie Maars</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">and if you have that anti-gravity class (i've been told is similar to aerial yoga) i mentioned in your gym and you never tried, i'd recommend you try it twice. go to one class, wait a week, then try again (don't ask why, trust me on this, you'll know). it's the best thing ever!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-83541068519080733052017-04-02T15:49:00.000-07:002017-09-01T17:34:46.702-07:00raw, unfiltered truth.<div style="text-align: justify;">
The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions I've had a hard time dealing with. Here's why.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Try as I may, there is no way around the fact that I felt out of love with the person I was once committed to love for a lifetime (yes, the same that promised not to break my heart and ended up doing just that).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I wish I could say it was just because of <i>one</i> big thing, that there was <i>one</i> set reason why - like getting your heart broken. But that is not the truth. It is never <i>that</i> simple.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The truth lies somewhere between all the little things we spend half the time ignoring, and the other half worshipping. Things that on their own are petty and meaningless, but together have the power to break the deepest and strongest of bonds.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Our bond hadn't been strong for a long time. And, in Ed Sheeran's fashion, crumbled like pastries.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The truth lies somewhere in the fact that we grew apart for too long to still know how to do so together. Like two lines that were forced to run parallel to each other and now can never cross paths again.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I don't know what the real truth is anymore...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I walk alone once more. But then again, there is this little voice inside me whispering that, perhaps, I've been doing just that for a while.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
andie.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-66950577777623228152017-01-19T08:57:00.000-08:002017-01-19T08:57:02.427-08:00Thank You 2016<div style="text-align: justify;">
We did it, we survived 2016. And as the new year slowly takes it course, I feel the need to think back about all that happened. I can say with 100% of certainty that 2016 felt like the longest year of my life. But even with all the ups and downs, twists and turns, I can't be anything but grateful. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
2016 was a year where I not only fulfilled my quota of growing old, but had my fair share of growing up too. A year of transformations, mental and physical. A year with new mistakes made and past ones fixed (or in the mending). A year of another round of figuring out the people I can really count on; it shouldn't surprise me just how much shorter that list keeps getting year after year. But alas, the shorter the "list" gets, the more my fear of ending up lonely and friendless grows. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A year of travels and adventures - although maybe not as many as I would have wished for -, and a promise set it stone to have more adventures, to make more memories, to take more photographs.<br />
<br />
A promise to let loose and lose some fears. To try new things, to meet new places, to see the world through different angles. Above all, to never, ever, stop appreciating the fact that I'm alive! Is it hard? Absolutely! But I don't reckon it'd be half as rewarding without some hardships. <br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This past year wasn't easy at all. I like to say I entered 2016 with the wrong foot, <a href="http://mind-on-display.blogspot.pt/2016/01/same-old-new-year.html" target="_blank">angry</a>, condemning it to failure before it even had really begun. But everything made me stronger, more resilient, braver...and just for that, it was already worth it all. I believe I've made my peace with it and I'm ready for whatever might come next.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now onward to 2017! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrxfFOK4I42zM-4C3Xj9QolL3ZryKxl40bd3oNVcu1wZFMARiZMmwyirz3T4SxUpneOkUvALm5g3303_7QU_C0URDlrhtOmNl8o1cZm7x0sVAnMCCFQAnh0QZbt3zxo86R1OA_uh9qYUlS/s1600/2016+collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="321" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrxfFOK4I42zM-4C3Xj9QolL3ZryKxl40bd3oNVcu1wZFMARiZMmwyirz3T4SxUpneOkUvALm5g3303_7QU_C0URDlrhtOmNl8o1cZm7x0sVAnMCCFQAnh0QZbt3zxo86R1OA_uh9qYUlS/s400/2016+collage.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2016...Random Mode | Andie Maars</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Happy New Year <span style="font-size: x-small;">(can I still say that?!?)</span>,</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Andie </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Better late than ever, right?</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-8389176515761605682016-11-24T10:30:00.000-08:002016-11-24T10:30:00.982-08:00Just...love<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've lost count on how many times I've talked about Love in my texts. Too many? Not enough? </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The funny thing is, while growing up it never mattered much. Sure, I grew up watching all those Disney films filled with numerous Princes Charming, Happy Ever Afters and unrealistic expectations... but even in my 5 year old mind I knew those were <i>just</i> films, not necessarily the way things <i>had</i> to be. I always knew the difference between fantasy and reality <span style="font-size: x-small;">(trying to make my mother understand that, was a totally different story)</span>, so maybe that's why I never dreamt about finding my prince Charming - no, I only wanted the castle that seemed to come with every Happy Ever After (still do).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And although I have two very loving parents and had an overall happy childhood, they weren't, and still aren't, very "verbally" loving. Sure, I had hugs and kisses pretty much on demand, but the <i>word</i> love wasn't very common. That doesn't mean I didn't know just how much I was loved, that was never up to debate. Through my "experience" with familiar love and a short term with romantic love, I'd like to think I've learned a lot of things about it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
While I'm far <span style="font-size: x-small;">(really really far)</span> from being an expert, if there is one thing I'm sure about is that love is not exclusive. If anything, love is inclusive. That it's possible to love two different people just as much but in different ways, different types of love. That there are a million of forms of love and of loving someone. I've learned that all love needs is a bond between people, any kind of bond, and it can grow so much from just that. I've confirmed the almost universal truth that the first love really does cut the deepest. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But the hardest part of Love is not letting <i>go</i>. Letting go becomes easy the moment reality finally sinks in. The hard part is letting someone new <i>in</i> after the fall. It's re-learning to trust the broken heart you just fixed (or not) into the hands of someone else. It's knowing you'll never fall just as hard, just as fast as the first time, because now you know best. It's fearing you are holding back too much because you've felt the consequences of not holding back at all. It's knowing it can crumble and fall just as fast as it was built.<br />
<br />
The hardest part is not having to let go, it's knowing you can.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Andie</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlGoBW5FkfZKiXMaCkiDnRCuMFAB1oUQLwSrSDf3-smyQ3h0-a6AR5rqppjlHRRo3_6GtETUwa3ecrsEUe_6T3Bt4eCKZc9q10vYYth6uTz5t9MUwyMC1wmiY-w5iOOwwN3LCxie_90MB/s1600/IMG_8301_mod_tag3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlGoBW5FkfZKiXMaCkiDnRCuMFAB1oUQLwSrSDf3-smyQ3h0-a6AR5rqppjlHRRo3_6GtETUwa3ecrsEUe_6T3Bt4eCKZc9q10vYYth6uTz5t9MUwyMC1wmiY-w5iOOwwN3LCxie_90MB/s400/IMG_8301_mod_tag3.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">spin me around , make me dizzy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-8016365126407872672016-11-12T09:47:00.000-08:002016-11-12T09:47:57.798-08:00All Out [part 2]<div style="text-align: justify;">
As the year mark gets closer, it dawns on me that one whole year has in fact just gone by. Where did time go? It feels like everything just flew by me too fast and simultaneously not fast enough. I still feel the same way I did back then, and I'm still unsure why. I moved on - or so I thought -, just to fall back into the same hole I believed being finally free from.<br />
<br />
But it's with no shame whatsoever I admit that, even after all this time, he is still my favourite thing to write about (directly or indirectly, however hard I try to fight it). There are countless words and ideas swirling in my head at all times and, when it's not work related stuff, it's about him. And I've fought so, so hard against then... But there are things that just don't change.<br />
<br />
I'm trapped between the need to move on and the reluctance to do so.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">[Disclaimer: I was positively way past "just tipsy" when I begun writing this, so I had to stop myself here and sleep it over, or this would have gotten really depressing real fast]</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>So, in my recent trip to Ghent I left some of my ghosts by the river, in-between autumn coloured trees and large cups of tea. I boarded that plane with a heavy soul and a desperate need to get away from reality, even if just for a week. I return somewhat lighter, with less weight on my shoulders, and an overwhelming desire to embrace the world, to embrace Life, exactly as it is.<br />
<br />
I will admit I had thought that, by now, the emptiness would be gone... And in some ways it is. But I find that void sometimes filled with such negative ideas that make me wonder if it wouldn't be better to just keep that space empty. I still feel just as alone as I did, it still hurts just as much. But I know now that there will always be some kind of void left behind; that nothing will ever be capable of completely fill that. There will be other things to balance the scale, there will be other unfillable voids.<br />
<br />
New things are scary. And I've come to realise that there are some things, besides unfillable voids, I didn't know I was afraid of.<br />
<br />
I didn't know I had trust issues (and to some extent I don't). But the mere idea of trusting someone, of depending on someone, on any other level beyond friendship makes me shut down and run for the hills. Maybe it's because I've tried trusting and it didn't worked out, maybe is one of those unfading voids, maybe I'm just still broken. How in any other way would I still look in the mirror and not like what is staring back? I became dependent on what <i>others</i> saw in me and stopped caring about what <i>I</i> saw in myself.<br />
<br />
But I'm getting better at fighting my ghosts in this "self love" thing; I'm ready to accept that not everything will go as planned or as dreamt. And that big <i>what if</i> is a dream I'm finally ready to wake up from.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Andie</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6eQDgBRp1CA-nn8JAUzRKQU4yKUgkIkqg-spiXmz5OO6fiXtVi6qO8LndfvXIHhGJGEiwQi2D59niRScKx_15wGZQRpbnJ6epOD2zNzU64cla7A8s7jH8xhETedJtPa185Hz0pajXESgN/s1600/Capturar_tag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6eQDgBRp1CA-nn8JAUzRKQU4yKUgkIkqg-spiXmz5OO6fiXtVi6qO8LndfvXIHhGJGEiwQi2D59niRScKx_15wGZQRpbnJ6epOD2zNzU64cla7A8s7jH8xhETedJtPa185Hz0pajXESgN/s320/Capturar_tag.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
fly away</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
| also on my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BMCNOl0Bz8W/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> |</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://mind-on-display.blogspot.pt/2016/10/honestly.html" target="_blank">[Part 1]</a></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">[I don't usually recommend musics for my posts, but I had <u>Sermon by James Arthur</u> on repeat while writing this]</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><strike>This is my Pity Party weekend. Today would have been the first day of our 4th year anniversary weekend, because we couldn't agree about in which day it had actually started - the 12th or the 13th. </strike></span><strike><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I'd like to believe that, in a perfect world, right now we'd be somewhere getting lost. </span></strike></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strike><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></strike></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I've learned that we can wish all the happiness in the world to someone, but that doesn't mean it will happen. So I just hope that, wherever he is, that he is okay.</span></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-68356837285852717302016-10-24T14:16:00.000-07:002016-11-04T15:43:41.535-07:00Monday Blues # 2 What If {lil' update}<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was never one to dwell on "what if's", it just wasn't a part of who I <strike>am</strike> used to be. In some ways, that "sector" of my life was pretty much black and white, there were no greys or in-betweens; it was or it wasn't. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But I've come to realise that I've been living uncomfortably numb in the biggest "what if" for the past year, and it's terrifying just how powerless that makes me feel. I hate not knowing what's real and what's not, I hate that I still haven't found a "back up" life plan for the one I lost, and I hate that I can't seem to find motivation to do so.<br />
<br />
The worst part? Everything I do now feels "just" a back up plan, as if I'm not living the life I was supposed to. I have regained my footing, I know which way is up but not which way is forward. And if anything, it makes me question the strength of all the plans I had before - if it all crumbled so fast how could it have lasted? </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm lost. I'm broken. I'm scared. And it's okay. Because there are days when I feel less scared, less broken, less lost and that, if anything, makes me believe that the day I'll stop feeling like that is coming.<br />
<br />
Andie<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">UPDATE: I touched it up a little! It's better but still not sure if done.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><strike>So, I didn't what to let this Monday pass because I've been working on this #2 for Monday Blues for a while...but I'm not totally happy with it yet. I might just come back later for a touch up</strike>. Enjoy!</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-13005086116747782242016-10-05T07:53:00.000-07:002016-11-12T09:50:47.637-08:00Honestly [part 1]<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lately, I've noticed that a lot of the same words and ideas keep swirling around in my head over and over. I keep pushing them back, send them away, and they keep coming back. Which is a little surprising, because I'm usually okay at bending them to my liking... But not this time.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've never been much of a "it's fate"-thing kind of person. But there is no denying that these words in my head are fighting their way out one way or another - and they're winning. So, with nothing but honesty in my heart, I'm letting them out. <span style="font-size: x-small;">[not all at once, so you get some of it now and some of it to come next month]</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've finally realised why it hurt so much more that he didn't want to stay friends, than it did when it all ended. You see, in my wild - and <i>very</i> naive - imagination, I though we could figure it all out as friends, without the pressure that comes with a relationship. Talk it out but still be there as each other support system like we had been in the years before. Take time to actually build the foundations we were severely lacking before and, maybe, maybe with time things could go back to the way they were (but better). </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can see now how it was all mostly wishful thinking, and perhaps that's why I never actually voiced this idea - and as much as I enjoy being always right, this time I can't blame anyone but myself. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've been on this new road of self-discovery for what feels like five minutes and, although I've learned a whole lot, I already know it doesn't lead Home. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Andie<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmaMBBoLlKKa6k0Wn0KuVTh4J_3hoAT3nLBUCmiEKv2l16x7VRxYsU4c1BFfLugB9bHD1Th4nkb5ekqeaqRGvvbCNZSrKNqWpXe3N2kOzhzaOGAZLpBZgck63OqKdbcBsEkEcchqz0Ltfq/s1600/IMG_20160910_164600_tag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmaMBBoLlKKa6k0Wn0KuVTh4J_3hoAT3nLBUCmiEKv2l16x7VRxYsU4c1BFfLugB9bHD1Th4nkb5ekqeaqRGvvbCNZSrKNqWpXe3N2kOzhzaOGAZLpBZgck63OqKdbcBsEkEcchqz0Ltfq/s320/IMG_20160910_164600_tag.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">current mood: grey with chance of rain <br />| also on my </span><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BKLlGaiBdEP/?taken-by=miiadenina" style="font-size: 12.8px;" target="_blank">Instagram</a> |</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://mind-on-display.blogspot.pt/2016/11/all-out-part-2.html?m=1" target="_blank">[Part 2]</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">There is more of this to come next month, keep tuned for that.. or don't, you do you.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-15849783735659772342016-09-13T14:00:00.000-07:002017-03-07T18:02:25.858-08:00The Reasons Why {updated version}<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
I want to write
you one hundred letters.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
To say hello. To
inquire how you’ve been and if life has been fair with you – <i>because I know I
wasn’t</i>. To say hello again and wonder about your plans for later, tomorrow and
another day. To apologise for how unfairly I painted my memories of you. To
reminisce about old times – <i>do you miss them as much as I do? </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
To apologise
again for blaming you for all my teen-age years’ insecurities; for all the
times my emotions got the best of me and I blamed you for them. To express
my profound sadness for the years we lost contact – <i>would things be different
now had we stayed in touch? </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
To apologise one
more time for all the negative feelings I embed in my words towards you, both
written and thought – <i>even if they never reached you</i>. To let you know that I
don’t blame you for all that teenager-y recklessness back in the days. To
assure you I’ve made my peace with the past and that I’m looking forward to the
future. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
To wonder if
there is any chance I can be a part of those plans you have for later, tomorrow
and another day. One for each day we’ve been away since the re-connection. And another for all
those late night conversations. For all in me that
was dormant and that you woke with all your smiles. And one
to thank you again for bringing back all the hope I had lost. For making me
feel wanted (and I can’t thank you enough for that). And one more just because
it’s you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
To let you know
you’ve been my light at the end of yet another tunnel; thank you for
shining so bright. To thank you for making me believe again that there are still reasons to be happy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: right;">
Andie <o:p></o:p><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b><u>Update:</u></b> So, if you read the first version of this text when I first posted it, you'll notice some changes in this updated version. I'm all for honesty and I did feel everything that was in the first draft when I wrote it... <br />But I also have to admit that it was posted for all the wrong reasons, so I'm happier with this version of 'The Reasons Why'. Enjoy!</span></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-51619273089847027172016-09-06T14:30:00.000-07:002017-03-07T18:03:20.852-08:00Find Your Happy<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
My grandfather has a hammock in his living room.
<span style="font-size: x-small;">[Yes, he's cool like that...but that's beside the point here] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;">My grandfather has a hammock in his living room and
that has to be probably my favourite thing in his entire house. A month ago I
drove 130km there for a long weekend. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
I have to say, the village my grandfather lives in, is the only place I've found on planet Earth (so far) that I've never lived at and it still feels like home whenever I visit. I find a lot of peace of mind there. The air smells cleaner, the sun shines brighter and you can see the starts better when the night falls; and the view of the hills is just...breathtaking. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
I’ve spent a long time there deep in thoughts. About
a lot of different things, both past and present, but what makes me happy in
Life seemed to be a recurrent subject. You know, the little things like sunshine
and fresh strawberries. The smell of new books and jasmine tea (or if chance
allows it, both combined). The safety sensation your favourite sweater provides
and a good chocolate bar.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
I’ve also been thinking about my “happy place”, both
mental and physical, and I find it amusing that they are the same. My happy
place is that very same hammock my grandfather has in his living room. Just
being there, involved in a cocoon of warmth, swinging away with a good book on
my lap and no worries on my mind. And it’s just so easy, so effortless, to
close my eyes and picture myself there – safe, warm, serene. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Which are also the three things I’ve come to realise
I should actually aspire to achieve in Life; everything else is a bonus.
Thinking back to what my ideals of Life used to be not that long ago… they seem
so petty now. It’s funny how I’ve lived all my life (so far) avoiding CHANGE
like it was the plague, to lately being so eager to embrace it. This year has
been all about inner growth and self-discoveries and I couldn’t be in a happier
place – with and within myself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: right;">
<o:p>Andie</o:p></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-90345112937968066532016-08-29T08:41:00.001-07:002016-08-30T16:31:04.220-07:00Maybe This Time (New Beginnings)<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
There are many parts of me that
came from him. Or were, at least, planted there by him - by things he did and
things he said (some even from what was left unsaid). It breaks me to know that
not everything I took with me when he left was good. There were habits
developed as an involuntary response to his actions, his ideals - but mostly to
his absence -, that frightens me; that’s not who I am.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I spent years trying so hard to
form and cement a connection... Only to find myself, now, cleaning the mess that
remains of what once was; trying even harder to sever all ties built. In the middle
of all that, I failed to see how I was losing myself in a vain attempt to fit a
mold I wasn’t made to fit. But back then that didn't matter much because his
arms were my safe heaven...until they stopped being that and became a trap he
couldn't wait to see me out of fast enough. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I wandered in my unconsciousness for
so long. Lost, looking for an answer, any kind of answer. But there isn't really
one... There is no cure for my almost chameleonic ability that keeps making me
try to blend into my surroundings; even if it means leaving parts of me
behind. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
But even after all that failed, there is still hope – a new
light at the end of yet another tunnel. And here I am, at the start of a new
journey (or perhaps a new road), hoping this time it leads home.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
Andie</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-60278225539463133222016-08-01T14:32:00.000-07:002016-11-04T15:44:10.516-07:00Monday Blues # 1 Hints and Consequences<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm starting a new "thing" and I shall call it<i> Monday Blues</i>, and they're going to be a series of posts (posted whenever I feel like it, like every other post really) where, much like in the <i>Sunday Rant</i> ones, I'll be doing what I've been told I do apparently quite often - Complaining. But while on <i>Sunday Rants</i> I basically rant about things in general that I don't like, I'm using the <i>Monday Blues</i> to complain about <b>myself </b>and things I know I do/did wrong (mostly in retrospective, of course). It'll be like a personal analysis on my life choices that may turn useful in the future... who knows?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
On this first edition I'd like to address my inability to take hints and to understand that, sometimes, even actions that <b>needed</b> to be taken have irreparable consequences.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is really no excuse in regards of the first topic. No matter how good of an observant I can be for some things, there are simply other areas where I'm just going in completely blind. And that field would have to be the one where deep emotions are dealt with. And my inability to take hints comes hand in hand with those irreparable consequences I can't seem to predict.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I think it has to do with the fact that I spent most of my life, while growing up, bottling it all up, hiding, keeping it inside, because no one around me seemed to care long enough to hear it all. And that just made me kind of...closed off and slowed down my ability to connect and <i>stay</i> connected - and to completely trust anyone on <strike>that</strike> any level. But it also means that once you have my trust, and/or my care, I'm<i> all</i> <i>in</i>. That, while it can bring many great things, it also means when it goes wrong and that trust is broken, I'm the one that takes it the harder way; I'm the one that stays broken the longest.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At different points in my life, I've made the decision of cutting people off. I can't really remember all the reasons why <span style="font-size: x-small;">(not that it happened that many times, really)</span> and I know some were decisions made almost unconsciously - I just stopped trying to keep a connection and they never tried connecting back. It was a necessary decision then, I <i>needed</i> that space to think, to breath, to heal, to see the world in a different light. Or maybe I just didn't want those levels of toxicity around me. But I don't think I've ever intended for any of those decisions to be permanent. No, in my wild and perhaps naïve imagination, I though I could press pause for a while and then restart again when I felt ready; when things felt...better. But Life doesn't come with a remote control. I was perfectly aware that some things would be lost, but never that I'd lose it all.<br />
<br />
Looking back now, I feel sort of guilty. Seeing the hardships some people had to face, and feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was something I could have done or said to make it better had I been there.<br />
<br />
But if there is one thing I've learned is that the past shall remain just that - past. Nothing good can ever come of trying to bring it back.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Today I shall make a vow to hold less things inside, and we shall see how that one goes. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
No Regrets.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Andie</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-38690391630623215442016-06-04T14:32:00.000-07:002016-08-29T09:47:33.083-07:00What We Remember...<div style="text-align: justify;">
Memory is a funny process... We spend half of our lives trying to make the best memories we possibly can while wishing, hoping, the memories worth keeping outnumber the ones we make a desperate effort to forget. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then we spend the other half holding on to those memories, fearing we might forget them if we happen to look away for just a second. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Nevertheless, the amusing part isn't in any of those facts. No, there is nothing remotely humorous regarding our almost desperate effort to fabricate "good" memories, nor in the temporary false sense of security obtained from said memories. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The hilariousness is in the fact that, in the end, no matter how tight you hold on, you can't control <i>what</i> or even <i>how</i> your brain remembers it. How often have you reminisced on some of your fondest childhood memories, just to discover the majority of them didn't happen in the way you seem to remember them...?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Take as an example one of my last "good" memories about my uncles on my father's side. In my memory, they had a huge shiny black grand piano in their basement; and in my childlike mind, it was a magical place where anything was possible. However, afterwards I was told there had never been a grand piano, just a small, timeworn, ivory coloured vertical one. Also the reason behind that piano location (<span style="font-size: x-small;">do I get bonus points for at least remembering that right?</span>) stood as anything, but magical. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The brain has a tendency to misattribute an imagined event as reality, the source and even the context of memories... </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, in the end, how can we truly be sure what's real and what's fiction?</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsVX6cV1ytL7670DWbiprbUD2cI5VwXgOrwvkkL6QVsyhW4AeBeWWtlLWdl3TYYGyQZp5l07n8lueEGaEc5iK728MYCFjHXZ-UdvflLRn6EkD4HMTywwReqYzNnSZzHIWUsxcxvzZJPe85/s1600/IMG_20160604_193354_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsVX6cV1ytL7670DWbiprbUD2cI5VwXgOrwvkkL6QVsyhW4AeBeWWtlLWdl3TYYGyQZp5l07n8lueEGaEc5iK728MYCFjHXZ-UdvflLRn6EkD4HMTywwReqYzNnSZzHIWUsxcxvzZJPe85/s320/IMG_20160604_193354_.jpg" width="318" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><h1 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: proxima-nova, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;">how do i let go</span></i><i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8px; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;">...</span></i></div>
<span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: center;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">|</span> also on my Instagram <span style="color: #3d85c6;">|</span></span></i></div>
<div style="font-size: inherit; font-style: italic; text-align: center;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;">Andie</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="display: inline; font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;"><i style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;"></i></i><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="display: inline !important; text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;"><i style="font-family: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">---</span></i></i></div>
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8px; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;"><i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8px; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;">
</i></i></div>
<div style="font-style: italic;">
<i style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12.8px; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; text-align: left;">
</i></div>
</div>
<div style="font-style: italic; text-align: justify;">
<div style="display: inline !important; text-align: justify;">
<div style="display: inline !important; text-align: justify;">
<div style="display: inline !important; text-align: justify;">
<div style="display: inline !important; text-align: justify;">
<div style="display: inline !important;">
<div style="display: inline !important;">
<i style="font-size: 25.6px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Not sure if I'm 100% happy with this, I might come back later for a touch up or two...</span></i></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<i><div style="text-align: justify; text-decoration: line-through;">
<i style="font-size: 25.6px; text-align: left;">
</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><strike>Also, there is a small chance Lilly might come back to the blog, I've re-added her to the authors section but I guess only time will tell how that goes.</strike> Yeah, pretty positive it won't happen. </span></div>
</i></span></h1>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-52363861553160818562016-04-21T17:32:00.000-07:002016-11-07T08:29:37.222-08:00Off the Road<div style="text-align: justify;">
I find it extremely amusing and simultaneously not funny at all how unpredictable Life is. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am sure we have all heard or read it before, be it in films or books, or by words of someone else. But I hadn't been able to fully grasp the concept of said unpredictability until the day I felt the road I was walking on being swiped off from under my feet (metaphorically speaking of course). </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Truth be told, that road was anything but flat. It was bumpy with dangerous twist and turns, and multiple exit lanes... And it was much like driving through unknown lands: I had a destination in mind but no clue on how to get there. I was slowly paving my yellow brick road and I knew exactly where I wanted it to lead to - but that didn't make each step any less terrifying. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My biggest mistake was setting my mind on one, and only one, destination without really caring about the journey as a whole. I was so focused on how I wanted it to end that I paid little notice on how I was gonna get there... Until the only option left was an exit lane. It was as if, all of a sudden, the road lost its colour and everything was dull and blurry and there were no more bricks left. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I had been driven off the road. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I had been driven off the road by the very same goal I was trying to reach. And for a very long time I tried to find a detour, to turn back and pave a different way around the chaos... But that was it, there was no way out, no way the same journey could still go on. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now all that's left is to find a new destination, new unknown roads to walk to, new paths to pave... But from now onward, I vow to make each yellow brick count.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Andie</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVYEkS900Rxor90aH5msSN2OvTCq-6AwjY0mmIpt5CrqfqQirhJd7zzRGrSZzWsrwdkuC-9CglTPidoTVvLQTDoldw14plMWDb266nZcCtzZ2eNeSEi-v8pqM497_EAvfvkHN22nfNc78/s1600/IMG_20160422_011144_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVYEkS900Rxor90aH5msSN2OvTCq-6AwjY0mmIpt5CrqfqQirhJd7zzRGrSZzWsrwdkuC-9CglTPidoTVvLQTDoldw14plMWDb266nZcCtzZ2eNeSEi-v8pqM497_EAvfvkHN22nfNc78/s320/IMG_20160422_011144_.jpg" width="188" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Chasing Pavements</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Andie Maars</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Exclusively on Blogger</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-33653640835618776492016-02-18T05:46:00.001-08:002016-02-26T17:06:43.160-08:00The Hopeless Generation<div style="text-align: justify;">
On the rare occasions I venture out of the house for a night out with my friends (not that I am anti-social, I just don't like going out at night that much), it's hard not to notice all the other people that also decided that night was a good night to go out. We find ourselves usually in cramped bars or clubs permanently impregnated with an intense smell of cigarettes, where the music is loud, the people are louder and usually under the influence of something, either alcohol or <i>something</i> else. And it never ceases to amaze me, although not it a positive manner, the way my generation behaves these days. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I belong to the Generation Y, the 90's Kids. We were brought up hearing how the world is full of possibilities, how we can be anything we want to be. <i>The world is your oyster!</i> Our childhoods were filled with fairy tales and wishful thinking.<br />
<br />
But now we are all grown up, we realize all those promises were empty and there is almost nothing left for us to take. It turns out the world it's not an oyster, but an empty shell. My generation will have to work a million times harder to archive half the things our parents did, and even there it will not be enough. We'll be permanently plagued by thoughts of unworthiness; ... We, the hopeful kids, have grown into hopeless adults.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So it should be of no surprise to hear that all my friends' stories of great nights out begin when they are sufficiently intoxicated not to feel anything. That my generation needs the alcohol and drugs to have fun. We, the hopeful and full of hope kids, are exhausted, mentally exhausted, to the point of needing not to feel anything to feel something else. And it saddens me profoundly to see the point we are now. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I like to believe that, amidst all darkness, there's still hope. Nothing has to - or can, really - be set in stone, but as long as we keep voicing our dreams, there's hope for a better future. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
Andie<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJKmJyM2Q1krqftDaBwwcxSPr7lanxKx-m01r-aqHpwNYuF6wwh3mGpPZvOIY09U0koND1wGx7SUVbNLgX5E2Jowsks81sSUgsmrlyeFK6FNAhKUj7cgyNzrieN1nA5Zx5pDKkvVaP1yf3/s1600/DSC_0205%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJKmJyM2Q1krqftDaBwwcxSPr7lanxKx-m01r-aqHpwNYuF6wwh3mGpPZvOIY09U0koND1wGx7SUVbNLgX5E2Jowsks81sSUgsmrlyeFK6FNAhKUj7cgyNzrieN1nA5Zx5pDKkvVaP1yf3/s320/DSC_0205%255B1%255D.jpg" width="196" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Fog</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Andie Maars</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Exclusively on Blogger</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-61864860540416799752016-01-31T16:56:00.000-08:002016-02-18T03:28:15.410-08:00Same Old New Year<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thirty-one days into the new year and it doesn't look new. Everything stayed just the same way it was thirty-two days ago, and somehow I feel disappointed. Not with the New Year per se, more with myself for thinking one number on the calendar would make any difference. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I know all about those self-motivation things on how "if we want something, we have to be the ones going after that something" and what not... But the truth is, I don't really know what I want - I'm finding it extremely hard to set goals for both short and long terms (if my crappy <a href="http://mind-on-display.blogspot.pt/2015/12/2015-in-retrospect.html" target="_blank">New Year's Resolutions</a> are anything to go by). Yes, I want to read more and take more pictures; those could easily be worked out for short term goals. I <i>just</i> have to pick a book from the pile that has been growing on my bookshelf, and I <i>just</i> have to take the camera the next time I leave the house... But I can't find in me any motivation to do any of those things. I'm stuck. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Stuck between having too many unrealistic dreams for myself, having too many of those unrealistic dreams crushed recently, a depressingly low self-esteem, rainy days and nothing useful to do. I know, deep (really, really deep) inside that everything will, eventually, turn out alright. I'll somehow get my happy ending - whatever that means and however long it take to reach it -, but it will come. I'm just terrified of the time period between now and that day.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And there is still hope that, maybe, during the three hundred and thirty-five days this year has left, something <i>new</i> will come of it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So here's to being hopeful. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Andie</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "molengo"; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Happy New Year to anyone that might be reading this. May your year have started in a less confused way! </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "molengo"; text-align: left;">And if by chance you missed it, I updated my "final words" post like I said I would when the time was right. I guess that time has come. You can scroll down to look for it, or you can be lazy and click <a href="http://mind-on-display.blogspot.pt/2015/12/final-words.html" target="_blank">HERE</a>. Until next time :)</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "molengo"; line-height: 20.79px; text-align: left;"> </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-52875256911627204092015-12-30T03:43:00.001-08:002016-02-18T05:25:33.763-08:002015 in Retrospect<div>
<span style="text-align: justify;">Here it is, the last post of 2015. And what a year it was! It had its highs and lows, and the average in betweens</span><span style="text-align: justify;">... It seems so uneventful and at the same time so much happened, so many things changed.</span></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Although I keep getting older (not wiser, though), I've never felt more grown up than now, after this 12 months; more so than ever before. But there is still so much room for growing up, so much space to learn more, to explore more, to dream more... to live more! If someone had told me earlier this year that this is how it was going to end, I wouldn't have believed it.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've witnessed the importance of having just the right people in my life, and I couldn't end this year on a <strike>high note</strike> (ok, scratch that as it might be a little farfetched...) happy note without any of my wonderful friends, especially C (she's the best!). I've learned to accept the universal truth that Life it's indeed not fair, and there isn't much to do about it other that look for a detour every time I hit a "road block" and keep going. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I usually don't bother with New Years' Resolutions, as I end up either forgetting or not completing them. But maybe it's something I need to do: make "light", non-committal promises (that don't result in the apocalypse if I happen to break them) and stick to them; work them to my advantage. So here are some things I'll try to accomplish next year:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<ul>
<li>Smile more</li>
<li>Count my blessings (more often)</li>
<li>Have more "Me" time</li>
<li>Read more <span style="font-size: x-small;">(I have so many books on my waiting list that it's not even funny)</span></li>
<li>Take the camera out of the house more often</li>
<li>Make new memories (preferentially happy ones)</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And just for the fun of it, here is my year of 2015 in the most random picture I took each month.</div>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg31JoWiRE6G65EDkLo6xW0wlawqSspGaQZnHjPe8C-oKvj8nQF0RFDaYu9crFDk9O5qhQc1sqtLUea2s6uZmzNoqR2An4-NDbgNV4VHuOh5F_eO28PQ9-UnLFQ_wF-LwfSkk91D3sx3Hlv/s1600/2015.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg31JoWiRE6G65EDkLo6xW0wlawqSspGaQZnHjPe8C-oKvj8nQF0RFDaYu9crFDk9O5qhQc1sqtLUea2s6uZmzNoqR2An4-NDbgNV4VHuOh5F_eO28PQ9-UnLFQ_wF-LwfSkk91D3sx3Hlv/s400/2015.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2015...Random Mode | Andie Maars</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
See you next year,<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Andie</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">P.S - If you found picture #</span>10<span style="font-size: x-small;"> odd, that's because I was so bored that day that spending nearly 1-hour taking glam shots of an apple seemed like a good idea!</span> </div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-51173755876259431682015-12-21T05:22:00.000-08:002016-02-18T05:43:27.771-08:00Still<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
It’s been a month and it still hurts. Not as much and not for the same reasons, but it still hurts. I’m still dealing with the emptiness, I still feel lost... But I don’t feel guilty anymore, for not insisting, for letting go. I’ve come to terms that it was the right thing to do. That my patience and bullshit tolerance have limits and those have been crossed way too many times before. I was, and still am, tired of fighting for something I once thought was meant to be; the doubts grow higher with each day that goes by without him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I’m slowly learning how to let go; letting go of the feelings, of the automatic responses to certain actions. It’s much like having too many clothes that just don’t fit anymore and it is time to give them away, hoping someone will make better use of them than I can right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
It has been a month and it feels both so far away and too close, too fresh, still burning. I am braving trough unknown waters in search for a safe haven, but my compass is wayward and the right direction is as blurry as it has ever been; I’m <i>just</i> sailing alone now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
In between the unknown, there is one thing I know for sure: no excuse, no explanation will ever be enough. Nothing can justify this, what I’m feeling, the emptiness… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
There is nothing left unsaid now. All the T’s were crossed and all the I’s were dotted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
But it still hurts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Andie</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5OR5N1495eea7UV9NflFhFpIbK53fPrz7WMJ_BYHlYa9vRrawoCP-2CvpHkIg6yH_VhBTwzHK_Y37hJzAorL_32eKMKqn70rhMFrohYFIWy6gWD0cvb7HMymoBJ0Xd4tgZrS2hbsJ2vLC/s1600/IMG_6345_tag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5OR5N1495eea7UV9NflFhFpIbK53fPrz7WMJ_BYHlYa9vRrawoCP-2CvpHkIg6yH_VhBTwzHK_Y37hJzAorL_32eKMKqn70rhMFrohYFIWy6gWD0cvb7HMymoBJ0Xd4tgZrS2hbsJ2vLC/s400/IMG_6345_tag.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Alone</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Andie Maars</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px; text-align: right;">Exclusively on blogger</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px;"><br /></u></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-46126009599446999492015-12-06T15:42:00.000-08:002016-01-26T16:29:59.700-08:00final words<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>26/01/2016</b> <b>Update:</b> As promised, here is the new improved version. Now that the I no longer feel all that anger, it has been polished and thought trough... but I believe the core ideas remain.</span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px; text-align: center;">
<hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
Dear F <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve lost count of how many days have gone by since it all ended; it feels both so far away and too close. <span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px;">I haven't forgotten anything, the good and the bad, the promises and the lies...But deep inside, I can't find it in me to hate you (much to your disappointment). </span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are still days when I wake up missing you, wondering how you are doing. I have come to terms that my feelings for you after that fateful day have changed, a lot. But the emptiness is still there, lodged deep in my heart. I miss you, but I don't want you back.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want you to know that I'll always care for you because, at some point in time, you were one of the most important people in my life - and that was real (even if everything else might have not). <span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px;">I learned a lot from you, and I know that all this gave me a new understanding of Life and, more importantly, of myself. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; text-indent: 48px;">I've learned where my standards stand now; I know how to know when to give up and when to keep fighting. I've learned that not bringing up a subject just because I don't like arguments won't do. I need to stand for what I believe is right - if not for everyone, at least for myself -, and we stand at opposite sides in so many core ideas... The best analogy I can find is that we began building the house by the roof, and with no foundations it just...collapsed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; text-indent: 48px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; text-indent: 48px;">I’m still re-learning to look at things without associating them with memories of you, and it gets easier with every day that passes. I keep finding all the little things that make life worth living that had skipped my mind this past 3 years; the world is a beautiful place and I can see now why. The grieving process is over.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px;">I learned, I grew up and I changed. And maybe missing you is simply part of the process.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="line-height: 22.275px; text-indent: 36pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px;">I hope you are happy and I, sincerely, wish you all the best.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 22.275px; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="line-height: 22.275px;">Andie</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-60825108012885052092015-11-28T20:36:00.000-08:002016-11-07T08:30:57.611-08:00the end of a love story<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have read hundreds of books with love stories, and that many (if not more) of broken hearts. I have read enough to think that by now I'd be able to predict the aftermath, to know what to expect when the love story turns into a broken heart. I predicted the shock and the tears. The irrational anger and utter disappointment. Confusion and clarity...the loneliness. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The shock hit me first, out of the blue, like a punch straight to my lungs. The tears threatened to fall...but I held strong. The anger of knowing something so beautiful had just got irreparably broken, and the disappointment of the biggest promise he didn't keep. <i>Liar</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The confusion of wondering who would make me happy from now on, and the clarity of realizing he was never the source of that happiness. Loneliness being solved by a phone call to the best friend that had always been there in times of need. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
However, never in a million of years would I have expected to feel this... empty. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'd like to think of myself as a happy person, at least for most of the time. Nevertheless, the moment it finally sank in that it was over, I felt as if I had never had any feelings at all. What hurt the most weren't any of those things. No, what hurt the most was the sudden emptiness of my future: the unfulfilled promises, the adventure we would never get to live, the imaginary babies that would never be born...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A part of me that didn't exist yet died today...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
People will say I need to be strong, that everything will be alright. But I've dodged a few stones thrown my way before and this will not be the one to take me down. I will not fall, nor will my tears. This story may end here, but my life does not and certainly will not my happiness.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
~Andie</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-66574836321053814512015-09-29T17:18:00.000-07:002015-10-14T15:31:53.013-07:00Ephemera of Life<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Because going light didn't work for me, let’s try going real this time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">I find Beauty to be something ephemeral; what is perceived as beautiful today might not be the same tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">That's why I believe no relationship should be funded based on just that. Because, like everything else, beauty fades... and we will all, eventually, turn old and grey. A flawless skin will grow wrinkles, scars and spots; a fit body will lose its elasticity over time. We all have flaws, we all have cravings and we all deserve to do things that make us feel good. I don't want to feel guilty every time I eat something "unhealthy", nor will I ever willingly give up on sugar. Why should I? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">I cannot, in my righteous mind, give myself to someone that will only stay while things are pretty. I want to believe I have more to offer that just my body, I want to believe I have more "qualifications" besides physical attractiveness. I want (and need) to know someone will stay when things go ugly and when I grow old, grey and wrinkly. The world is already filled with too much superficiality for me to allow for the biggest one of them all to dictate my happiness. Because that is what it is at stake here, my happiness (and my heart) and I won't allow just anyone to juggle away with it at will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">So, if you are reading this and believe that beauty comes first, I really think you should take a step back and reevaluate your priorities in life. In all honesty, it's not fair to hold such thing against someone. No one should have to live in the constant uncertainty of an "if"; worrying if you're still pretty enough, if your significant other still thinks you are attractive enough and for how long it will remain that way. Life already has enough complications on its own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Speaking for myself only but, I would rather share my life with someone I can keep an intellectual conversation with and that, after all the years, still laughs at my lame jokes, rather than with someone who thinks I look good in pictures. Beauty and sexiness will fade, the body will decay... But your (un)happiness</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">will still matter.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">So the big question is: Do I really want something so superficial to be the foundation of a lifelong relationship? </span><br />
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">My answer: No, not really.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 15.1pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14.4px; line-height: 20.16px; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div align="right" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Molengo",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">~Andie<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 15px; line-height: 15pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<hr size="2" style="text-align: right;" width="100%" />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Molengo; font-size: 14.85px; line-height: 20.79px; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">Disclaimer: I'm in no way trying to encourage unhealthy eating habits - I eat everything with moderation (well, except chocolate) and I am happy with my body just the way it is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">You don't need to be Victoria's Secrets thin to be healthy. I just don't think the way my body looks like should dictate my life nor be the main reason for someone to be in/ leave my life - in either friendly or romantic situations. Updated: 14/10/2015</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2432867429296433716.post-69592755861381948922015-09-20T16:00:00.000-07:002016-11-07T08:31:32.982-08:00Pet Peeves # LetsTalk Light<div style="text-align: justify;">
Talking (or writing) "light" is the last thing I feel like doing; my levels of frustration are way too high. But that also means nothing productive will ever come out if I attempt to write it down. Maybe in a few days, who knows... So I thought about doing the opposite, to try to fight the incoherence that's going on my mind, and venture onto lighter topics.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So lets talk about pet peeves. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Pet Peeve</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>noun [C] /ˈpet ˈpiv/</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>› something that especially annoys you</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have to be honest, I enjoy doing things (lets make it clear, not intentionally) that can be classified as other people' pet peeves, such as drag my nails - or any object that may be on the table - along the table-cloth and click the pen until my thumb falls off. Therefor, there aren't many thing that annoy me to the point I feel like screaming to the person doing it. </div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The first pet peeve is when, in restaurants, the servants keep pouring my drink for me when my glass is empty. If it's water or wine - which are drinks that usually everyone at the table is also drinking -, I don't mind at all. What annoys me its when it is coke (or any other drink that comes in a can or small bottle). I'm okay with it being opened for me when it first reaches the table, I'm NOT okay with it being poured into my glass afterwards. I don't drink sugar-y drinks very often, and when I do, I don't like to drink more than one can/bottle during the meal, so I try to only pour it in the glass when I feel like drinking it and avoid the temptation of drinking everything before the main course arrives. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The second (and so far the last) is messy fridges/freezers. Both in the super market and at home. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It annoys me to no end if, in the super market, people take out items from a fridge/ freezer but then change their minds and just throw it back inside, not caring if it is in the same place it was before. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At home, is when someone decides that piling big containers on top of small ones or piling stuff on top of unstable things (like food that doesn't fit a container and is put in the fridge with film wrap around the pan/ dish), is a great (and safe) idea. It also annoys me to see food of the same 'category' in different shelves or drawers. When it gets really bad, I wait until everybody is asleep and venture to the kitchen to tidy up the fridge and make it look picture perfect. I also avoid looking in the freezer because everything in there that was stored in plastic bags as just thrown in there and it froze in odd shapes and now nothing fits anymore (and because my family also seems to have an aversion to labels, its impossible to identify 90% of the things that are stored there). Maybe, if I do it enough times, my family will finally learn to put all the cheese in the 'cheese drawer' (we really like cheese, okay?), and all the yogurts in the same shelf. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A girl can dream...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
~Andie</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgONkaBbMm6Bj4f14sIodGbb4ra7Pjn-03BkrMKvQGHRwdToRd6VRFYMX5S8JvO6edqZC46TVHU4vGBd482aYVfXJxWa2dipKQrwCg4DXO4ErfaMxLy09st0ruOclo99F36hdM21EEMJ6WH/s1600/IMG_5319_edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgONkaBbMm6Bj4f14sIodGbb4ra7Pjn-03BkrMKvQGHRwdToRd6VRFYMX5S8JvO6edqZC46TVHU4vGBd482aYVfXJxWa2dipKQrwCg4DXO4ErfaMxLy09st0ruOclo99F36hdM21EEMJ6WH/s320/IMG_5319_edit.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px;">I wish I was somewhere else...</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;"> by ~</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px;">AndieMaars</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #6fa8dc; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;">|</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 14px;"> </span><u style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 14px;">Exclusively on blogger</u></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09106947231867862222noreply@blogger.com0