Bird

When I look at what I was 2 or 3 years ago, compared to what I am today, I feel I've changed so much ... There is no way the "present me" could ever feel that the same my “past me” did. However, I don’t know how I could ever feel something like that. But still ... I feel that the past keeps haunting me, wherever I go, whoever I am.

I read my texts over and over again and I think they express well what’s inside my soul… But I feel on them a slight ... ‘track’ of the past, of all those wrong feelings that filled me for what seemed like an eternity. I thought I was free when I started writing again, when the words started making sense again ... But I know I'm not free yet, perhaps never will be...

Someone once told me that the past, good or bad, make us who we are in the present. Maybe it does; no, I’m sure it does but still… Isn’t it possible for me to get rid of it? Just from a tiny little piece of it? But maybe, just maybe, it might have been that “tiny little piece” of past that impulse the change I feel within. Maybe it might have been that “tiny little piece” of past that deleted the piece of me that used to keep me locked inside my shell.

I feel more me now than I ever felt before. Now I know that, and it doesn't matter if it’s in a small number, some people want me around, that, somehow – and I'm still trying to find out how is that possible– I’m important, that they will miss me if I leave. The past it’s not important anymore. My mistakes? Well, I’ll take them; I’ll let them be a part of me if they have to. But they must hide in the shadows, embarrassed by what they did, by what they said, by what they felt. I dare them to try and steal my new light.

I’ll conquer my freedom

[Picture by me]

~Andie Maars

Colours of the rainbow

Red. Yellow. Blue. Orange. Green. Violet. Indigo.

Love the world. Feel passion with all your heart. Your desire will be what will make you move with all your strength. The red is one of the most powerful colors…Just be proud of who you are and never try to resort to violence.

Just be optimistic. Have a good life and let yourself be surrounded by a yellow light.

The color of the blue sky. The most loyal and reliable of all. Your spirit will be free if you think and dream. You don’t need to be your own ideal, just have your own personality.

Think about the hot orange of the sun. Move yourself until you are not capable of more. The spontaneity of life is the most precious thing.

Just have hope in the future. Be young whenever you want. Be cool with everything and if you’re not just find the strength for a green/fresh start.

Live in peace. Have harmony in your life. Surpass your fear and live tranquility with your mind. Just be indigo.

The violet of mystery. The most sensible one. The beauty of the world. And the big ideas of our inner self. It makes you feel sympathy for others and for yourself.

These seven colors represent your ideals, our way of life. We need to feel, dream and believe because if we want we can change our world, our lives… Just pick one. 

If you look from the window and see a rainbow you will feel the magic of our life.

Lily Mead Mein

Hidden Secrets

There are a certain number of perfect combinations that randomly happen in simultaneous. There is no true love. What we have is the right person miraculously at the right time and place. You can find the right person at the right place but if is not the right time… Things might not work very well. I think it’s a little unfair: we hope all our lives to find that special person… But only the person is apparently not enough; you also need the time and space factors. That’s why true love is almost seen as a fairytale.

And if life thought me anything useful is that love never waits, for anybody. Love brings joy, happiness, and butterflies in the stomach… but it also brings pain, depressions and a huge feeling of emptiness inside the heart.

And why can’t it wait? Because we all have the need to love something or someone. And when we’re not loved back we give up and start from the beginning (I wish it was that simple, but in theory it’s what happens). We crave for love more than anything else, it’s the only “drug” that makes us feel like we belong to somewhere, to someone; makes us feel we’re important. It’s like our own personal demon, that erodes us from within and makes us say / do / feel what we don't want.

So we lie. We lie to the demon, we lie to others, we lie to ourselves… We pretend this “feeling” doesn’t exist; we built a secret. And if we can’t control the secret, it will end up destroying us. This “feeling” becomes our darkest and most hidden secret. The kind of secret we tell to no one, nor even to the teddy bear.

I don’t know yet how to deal with this demon. The last time it attacked, I let it erode me from within and when I realized what was going on, a part of me as gone, forever.

Hidden Secrets by ~ AndieMaars

~Andie F. Maars

Update!

Now you can find this photo on my DeviantART page, here

S

[I thought of a different thing to post after Lilly... But since she decided to write about dreams I'm going to follow the same topic but in a different way. Hope you like it.]

Sometimes, however unconsciously, I feel my mind wandering until that Wednesday night; I see me going up the stairs and into the dark room. But you’re no longer there by my side. It’s just me, a bad movie and a chair where I feel comfortable for the first time.

Sometimes I find myself dreaming about that place where we were once together, but I can’t find you there either. If the mind despairs, I look even deeper into the metaphorical drawer of memories and find you in times when you still meant nothing to me. I see this as a victory; you no longer follow me in my dreams as you used to. I feel… strangely free, lighter. I don’t feel haunted by you anymore, by your absent presence.

If I can’t talk with you, in my dream, I wake up a little sad; after all, we’re still friends… But I can’t find anxiety in the hole you left anymore. That bitterness, that discomfort, that pinch in my heart is gone! You still make me laugh, but the tears that fall no longer fall for you.

Andie Fern Maars

Dreams

Dreams are your fantasies, your most precious wish…

If you dream you can forget reality. Forget your problems and your furies. If you dream, you can do everything. Fly. Swim. Be a star and so many other things. Your dream is what you wish. The dream is your most powerful weapon because you can control it. Sometimes you dream with things that you don’t know, that you don’t wish and why is that?

Dreams are a reflection of yourself, of what you’re thinking in the moment. They can build you up or destroy you until there is nothing left. That’s why they are a weapon because they consume your feelings and your most deep emotions and they can use it against you. Most of the times this happens when you’re asleep. Have you ever felt like you didn’t sleep at night? Now you know the reason.

In the end, your dreams are your reflections. Your dreams are your wishes. Your dreams are your feelings. And besides that your dreams are what you want them to be.

So dream and discover yourself.

Lily Mead Mein

New Post Coming Soon (hopefully)...

I'm just waiting Lily to post something before my fresh new post come out.

Please be patience as much as I'm trying to be :D

picture by werol

~Andie