I don’t want to run. I don’t want to push myself even harder.
I know that I’m not the smartest, that I’m a little lazy and everything else because I know myself. Even when I try to push it to the limit, I can’t seem to reach the top. So just stop trying to make me feel guilty for something I cannot predict. Stop trying to make me feel bad if even you couldn’t do it. Stop being angry with me even knowing that you couldn’t make as far as I am.
I don’t know if you’re jealous, I don’t care, but you can’t just say what you want just because it didn’t go as predicted. I know that is my future, I know that I’m the one who’s going to pay in the end. I know all of that and yet you guys don’t seem to understand that I feel hurt every single time that I receive the bad news.
I feel bad because I couldn’t do it. Because it didn’t go the way I wanted it to go. But instead of pulling me up you guys are making the hole even bigger, and one day I will not be able to get out of there.
So…It will be better the next time, I hope, because I’m going to raise my head. Not because of you but because I want to show to everyone that I can do it.
Lily Mead Mein