Reality

What do I hate the most? Hypocrisy. People that say something and act the other way around. People that pretend to care when actually they don't give a damn... In sum, I hate the fake ones more than anything. And lately, I came to find a lot of hypocritical people around me, people to whom I would never think calling hypocrite. Well, guess looks can be deceiving, very deceiving.

And that's sad, because, for a long time, I used to hide my truth self and all of them taught me the confidence and trust I needed to show the world who I really am; with no more hiding. I changed with them, because they encouraged me to do so, for my own sake. Were they being hypocritical all this time?

I feel...I feel like I can't trust them anymore, because all the words that came trough their mouths sounds fake to me now; because I'm not sure if I actually know them anymore. My dear friends...you ruined it all! You all changed, a lot and too fast for me to keep up with the pace. I don't blame you for that, instead I blame you for excluding me of that sudden change of yours. I know I'm changing too, but you can't accuse me of not sharing that with you all, because I'm trying, I'm trying really hard...but you don't let me. So now I can only count on the new people I have in my life. Because recently I've found out that there are still people I can trust, that I know that won't let me down (as you did).

And I feel I achieved so much, that I conquered so much in so little time... Sure that are still...things that remain undone. And you know what? Now is me who don't give a damn about that; they'll happen when they have to. But this time, you won't be there to witness my happiness.

Hypocrisy by ~0mi-in-colour

~Andie F Maars

[Feeling like I could kill somebody right now (grrrrr), so I wrote a post instead of doing something I might regret late] 

Run away

A boy ran away, so far away that nobody ever found him. Many police officers and fireman tried to look for him, but as the days passed by no clue was found about the location and the government officers started to feel tired so tired that they gave up.

Then the second rescue team arrived. Many civilians helped the little kid parents. Days went past, then months, years and the hope also started to fade. In the first day the all neighborhood showed up. They were divided and were given directions, and for an all week everyone showed up, even for an all month, but as time went by the number was reducing gradually. In the end the search team lasted five years and not a clue was found, neither the corpse of a ten year old boy. Four years later the father’s boy fell off a cliff and died in his way to the hospital.
  
A year later, a disease was diagnosed to his mother and she was immediately admitted into the hospital, but it was already too late. The news spread fast, in the newspaper there was a front page article talking about the missing boy and the misfortune of that family also their picture was posted. On that day, a young man brought that journal and like so many others it ended up in the coffee table. A few days later a bunch of flowers were sent to the hospital room, there was a little card with only a phrase “thanks for looking for me”, on that same day while reading it the mother died.

Lily Mead Mein

The day I met you

I remember you were just standing there, staring to the horizon. As if life around you wasn’t important enough for you to dare and look at it. I didn’t know you; we’re completely strangers. And until that day I had never seen you before but, when your eyes met mines…

What really happened doesn’t really matter, what matters is that you said ‘hi’ and my life was never the same again. I didn’t know you, but in that instant it seemed like you had always been there, standing by me. And in a blink of an eye you became the most important part of my life.

Until the day life itself decided to tear us apart. Forever.

So say that you’ll miss me. Say you will miss me if I leave tomorrow to never return again. Tell me that things won’t be the same without me; beg me to stay. Just give me a good reason why I shouldn’t go, why I should ignore the normal flow of life and stay instead. I won’t be mad if you don’t. I mean, I won’t hate you just because all you did was remain silent like dead...

I’ll be sad, of course; I tough I was somehow important… But, hey, not always life gives us what we want (most of the time it takes). Anyway, after all, you don’t really have to say you’ll miss me because I’ll be fine, eventually.

And slowly things will turn back to normality; again. I just won’t be there and you won’t be here. Physically apart, but together in our hearts.

And life will go on until one day we won’t even be together in our hearts; completely strangers like we were, in the day I met you.

heart drop by~Andie Maars

~Andie

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[I know the text is written as if is only directed to a single person, but I was actually inspired by many, many people. A little poetical, I know, but is based on my life, so it's all real.]

{got amazed?! and it took me less than a week :D }


And the picture is on my devianART account if you want to see it in a bigger size and HD.

Time...

The clock keeps ticking, second by second; and it never stops.

Tick, tack, tick, tack... 

The clock keeps ticking, and I still haven't found a second to take a deep breath and look around me.

Tick, tack, tick, tack...

How I miss those days when I could afford doing't nothing without getting late on everything I've to do.

life breath 

by ~m0thyyku

~Andie

[it's probably the most stupid thing I've ever wrote; I promise I'll take this 'thing' out of here as soon as I get the time to write something...better. gimme a week and you'll be amazed :D ]

Never Again...

[I found this text I wrote a couple months ago forgotten in a drawer and I decided to give it a chance to appear in the blog. Let me know what you think]

What I don’t know about life could fill an entire encyclopedia. What I know would, maybe, fill an A4 notebook... possibly a bit until after the middle pages. But of one thing I'm sure. And I repeat it to myself every day, hoping that it never ceases to be a certainty: I may not know what I want from the world, but I’m sure about what I don’t want.

I know I don’t want you back because I don’t want to love again. I’m not asking you to go away, because remembering you hurts, but feels good. I just don’t want to live anymore that lie that consumed my days, that made all those moments seemed real and not merely a product of my naïveté, I don’t want to believe in what you say because you never gave me assurances that you really feel what you said you feel ... You never apologized sincerely, you never cried in pain for not being able to see me or because I didn’t wanted to see you. You didn’t get hurt, you didn’t suffered like I did. But the marks you left in me hurt so, so much ... I still remember that day like a nightmare from which I can’t wake up because it doesn’t only fills my dreams but all my life, my reality was created by you when you said those words ... It’s hard to believe that they came from your mouth… It’s hard to believe that you didn’t saw that you’re losing me while you kept me away and made me leave. You changed, gradually, becoming a stranger; you have become something I despise and hate. I’m confused ... I no longer distinguish love from hate. Is it feasible to feel both for the same person? You make that possible.

I love you when I remember you, when I remember what we lived together. I hate you when I remember that none of it was real. If I see you, I wouldn’t know what to say. I love you, but you broke me up inside; I know I always loved you too much - more than you ever deserved. And because you hurt me, more than I could bear, I’ll hate you even more if it means I can forget you.

You know what was my big problem? I believed you were different, I believed that you were better, better kisser, better hugger… In the midst of all that, I even believed that you loved me. But if you knew how much I cry for you every night before fall asleep, and then I end up suffering even more when you appear in my dreams, again and again...

Which leads me to conclude that you never felt the pain of the uncertainty of a maybe. You don’t know because you live in the certainty of a yes. You know I would, I would return to you without blinking. But you let me live in anxiety, forever waiting ... Awaiting you to wish, waiting for you to come back, waiting for you to say, and waiting for you to do.

Another thing I know is I can’t stand it, not anymore. Don’t want to suffer the disappointment of waking up one day and notice that life has passed, right by my side and didn’t lived because I kept waiting. If that day comes I'll regret having let this drag on for so long, I'll regret not having learned to draw a final dot on this thing - I can't even call it history -, when I should have done. I will regret all that lost time I can’t get back.

But I am sure of one thing: you'll regret it more than me. Because you'll also wake up one day and noticed that the life also passed by you; that I'm no longer there. And it will hurt when you think about me and feel the heart beat faster, when you open your eyes and see that I am no longer there. Then you will remember that I was the only one that loved you, the only one that that really cared for you. You will remember that I loved, I waited and I suffered all because I kept hoping that one day you’d see it; only that it was too late. When you noticed it, everything will have changed and you lost my trail; there you’re going to cry and finally realize that strange warning that you used to see in my eyes; you'll understand why when you asked if everything was OK, I had to take a deep breath before smiling and saying “of course everything is fine; why wouldn’t it be?”.

When you realize that you had in your hands, on your skin, in your life and the only woman that loved you and that you weren’t able to keeping it near yourself, you'll cry; and for the first time, I won’t be there. I'll never be there again...

~A. Maars ♥

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This is a too much personal post, and probably shouldn't  be here because it makes me look something I'm not. 
You should know I was, unfortunately, heart broken when I wrote this, therefore there's too much anger as sadness in my words; so you won't misjudge me.

"I braved a hundred storms to leave you" ~ From the song 'Turning Tables' by Adele

"I hold on to myself, not wanting anyone to grab "us " and keep myself with me and with me, now, dreaming the same way I dreamed before you." ~by Liliana
(Updated 08.12.2011)