Tuesday, October 23, 2012

She Knows It's Nothing...Isn't It? [Beth]

"It meant nothing. It meant nothing! Nothing..." That was all she keeps thinking every time she had to see him. It was all she could allowed herself to think whenever she talked to him. She couldn't dare to feel it...to feel hope; to feel hopeful, wishing for something she deep inside knew so well it would never happen again. But that didn't stop the dreams at night nor the constant day-dreams she would find herself falling into unintentionally. 

She denied it to anyone that asked. "Nothing happened" or "It means nothing to me", she lost the count of how many asked and how many times she lied. Because if others knew what she felt deep inside, she would be vulnerable in other places rather just in her bedroom when nobody was watching. Because others though she was strong and independent and, honestly, she couldn't take it if everybody started thinking otherwise just because she let her feelings slip for a while in that night; the night that changed it all. And it didn't take long for her life to take a 180ยบ degrees change... One hour. Letting the barriers down for one single hour as all it took for everything to change. 

And she hates it. 

She hates the fact that she let it happen again; that she let herself feel something again. And that could have been nothing if she didn't know that what she allowed herself to feel that night was something she could and wanted to give...but couldn't and wouldn't get back. All because she wasn't good enough; it was always because she was never good enough. She knew it well, so damn well! But still...that doesn't stops her heart of beating a little faster whenever he walks by. 

She feared love like it was a 7-headed monster, but still couldn't help to feel a little attracted by its beauty whenever she would stumble across it. It was curiosity that brought her in in the first place and it was what brought her in this time too. She was curious, and she knew it. She couldn't stand a little mystery without feeling the need to solve it; that was what love meant to her, a huge, deep, ugly mystery she couldn't help to try to solve. Even when she knew there wasn't an answer or simple solution to it. But it shouldn't hurt to try, it shouldn't. 

But it did...and it still does. And she knows that too.

Thiner than thread | by ~AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Fern Maars

I decided to try something different this time...Please let me know what you think about this one. I'll be posting "sequels" to this one in the near future, so keep checking back for more :)

Monday, October 15, 2012


Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: 
Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I read that statement somewhere around the World Wide Web* and it got me thinking...Have I ever felt that way? Hurt by something I haven't said or by something I wish I hadn't? 

Getting really deep into that question I realize I don’t have just one answer. I can find a dozen of them and none of them is simple or easy to verbalize. I could say that its better saying everything you need to say so later on life you won’t need to wonder ‘What if..?’ But what if that something you have to say will most surely change completely your life, or someone else’s, and most surely not for the better? What if you already know what will be the comeback for whatever you want to say? Are you really going to attempt a broken heart? Worse, a broken friendship? Or even worse, both, at the same time? You can call me a drama queen all you want, but I've seen that happen; I've felt the consequences of that. 

Around 60% of what we say doesn't involve words, but gestures and facial/body expressions we do mostly unconsciously.  I can only guess how much information I've missed and how many of my deepest secrets were released unconsciously... 

~Andie Maars

Hey guys!
First I'd like to apologize for let you without anything new here for a month (I can't actually believe it has been that long, sorry)

Here's another one of my 'Have you ever...' posts :D it's been a while since the last one. So, what do you think? A little feedback would be awesome!!

*Oh, and if you know who wrote that quote in the beginning would you please let me know so I'll give credit to the owner?! Thank you :)