Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Reasons Why {updated version}

I want to write you one hundred letters.

To say hello. To inquire how you’ve been and if life has been fair with you – because I know I wasn’t. To say hello again and wonder about your plans for later, tomorrow and another day. To apologise for how unfairly I painted my memories of you. To reminisce about old times – do you miss them as much as I do?

To apologise again for blaming you for all my teen-age years’ insecurities; for all the times my emotions got the best of me and I blamed you for them. To express my profound sadness for the years we lost contact – would things be different now had we stayed in touch?

To apologise one more time for all the negative feelings I embed in my words towards you, both written and thought – even if they never reached you. To let you know that I don’t blame you for all that teenager-y recklessness back in the days. To assure you I’ve made my peace with the past and that I’m looking forward to the future.

To wonder if there is any chance I can be a part of those plans you have for later, tomorrow and another day. One for each day we’ve been away since the re-connection. And another for all those late night conversations. For all in me that was dormant and that you woke with all your smiles. And one to thank you again for bringing back all the hope I had lost. For making me feel wanted (and I can’t thank you enough for that). And one more just because it’s you.

To let you know you’ve been my light at the end of yet another tunnel; thank you for shining so bright. To thank you for making me believe again that there are still reasons to be happy.

Update: So, if you read the first version of this text when I first posted it, you'll notice some changes in this updated version. I'm all for honesty and I did feel everything that was in the first draft when I wrote it...
But I also have to admit that it was posted for all the wrong reasons, so I'm happier with this version of 'The Reasons Why'. Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Find Your Happy

My grandfather has a hammock in his living room. [Yes, he's cool like that...but that's beside the point here]
My grandfather has a hammock in his living room and that has to be probably my favourite thing in his entire house. A month ago I drove 130km there for a long weekend. 

I have to say, the village my grandfather lives in, is the only place I've found on planet Earth (so far) that I've never lived at and it still feels like home whenever I visit. I find a lot of peace of mind there. The air smells cleaner, the sun shines brighter and you can see the starts better when the night falls; and the view of the hills is just...breathtaking. 

I’ve spent a long time there deep in thoughts. About a lot of different things, both past and present, but what makes me happy in Life seemed to be a recurrent subject. You know, the little things like sunshine and fresh strawberries. The smell of new books and jasmine tea (or if chance allows it, both combined). The safety sensation your favourite sweater provides and a good chocolate bar.

I’ve also been thinking about my “happy place”, both mental and physical, and I find it amusing that they are the same. My happy place is that very same hammock my grandfather has in his living room. Just being there, involved in a cocoon of warmth, swinging away with a good book on my lap and no worries on my mind. And it’s just so easy, so effortless, to close my eyes and picture myself there – safe, warm, serene.

Which are also the three things I’ve come to realise I should actually aspire to achieve in Life; everything else is a bonus. Thinking back to what my ideals of Life used to be not that long ago… they seem so petty now. It’s funny how I’ve lived all my life (so far) avoiding CHANGE like it was the plague, to lately being so eager to embrace it. This year has been all about inner growth and self-discoveries and I couldn’t be in a happier place – with and within myself.