Monday, July 30, 2012

People came and go. Only this empty room stays the same.

One day I opened my eyes to see a dark room full with nothing but air. It was dark and silent, no one but me was there until I heard a laughter.  Without knowing where it came from I started searching but all I could find were dead ends.

The laughter continued for a long time and, as time went by, it became louder. It was like magic. And then I realized I wanted to get out so I started to scream for help but no one answered; I screamed until my voice couldn’t be heard anymore and then the silence came back.

The next day it all started again but there was an answer this time. “Are you all right?”, that sentence saved me. But I was still locked in that empty room day after day, so I asked for help again but no one answered. I was being abandoned again, or so I thought. There was noise behind me I didn’t know what it was until a light appeared; it was my first time seeing something so bright, I was fascinated so I run into that shinny place to find out that you had forced the door to open so I could be rescued.

So for the first time in my life I saw people like me, instead of that dark room. One of them approached me and said “Are you all right?”. That was the same voice as before, I had met you and then many others came as well; I had made friends.

You presented me the sun and showed me the stars and the moon. You taught me kindness and I learned how to love. You teach me everything I know today. You made me.

Many years have passed since that fateful day, my friends disappeared one by one but you always stayed by me... until I lost you too. That’s why today I visited that room again. It’s still the same as when I left it: the door is still broken, the silence inside is the same as before, and there is still the same darkness around; only a single ray of light still dares to invade that dark room, just like before.

Lily Mead Mein 

Friday, July 27, 2012

Heart Beat (work in progress)

You hear his name and your heart races, fast; and wherever you are, you just can’t stop thinking if he still misses you like you miss him.

Because sometimes there's no right and wrong, just what the heart feels and, right now, you know it beats by its own rhythm; but not so long ago it used to beat by his rhythm, by the words he used to say even if he didn’t felt them. Because you did and so did your heart. And that was all he cared about. Nothing more.

You'll cry, scream and in the end, and maybe even after that, you'll ask why, and no matter how hard you try, you won’t find an answer. Because the heart beat can’t be justified. And you know that. That’s why you still feel it beat every day, strongly in your chest...Even after he broke it.

But don’t you worry. Yes, your heart may be unwise, imprudent and maybe too na├»ve, but is strong and somehow it will survive. And one day, one day you'll find someone that will redefine the beat of your heart with his own words, but this time that someone will also realize his heart also beats by the rhythm of your words.

That, is love.

~Andie Maars

So, what do you think? Some feedback would be great guys :D
Anyway, this is a little thing I've been working on lately and it's still a work in progress 
[but I didn't want to leave you guys with nothing new to read here] and I feel that there are quite a few different directions it could evolve to (a little help, maybe?).

Keep checking back for more :)

Saturday, July 14, 2012


I realized my posts were slowly stepping down trough what I like to call the "Depressed Line", and were getting dangerously closer to the bottom. And that fact scared me. Because that it's a place I thought I'd never return to and, unknowingly, I was already there again. 

Sometimes I don't understand myself. I really don't. Yes, some depressing stuff happened; but I lived. I lived, I got over it and rediscovered my smile; and new reasons to smile too. I found new people that actually deserved my attention, my affection , my dedication... and I got over it, I did. But sometimes it all comes back for no reason; like the memory needed to me remembered the same way a dog needs to be petted. It's seems that there's some kind of trigger that starts it, I just haven't figure it out yet. It could be anything, a song, a picture, a place...All I know is that, when I notice it, there's already a new slightly depressive text on the blog. It could be compared to post traumatic stress disorder, only in a less, less severe way. 

But that ends today, right now. No more depressed stuff. No more references to whatever happened in the past. If tears have to be shed, then let it be for laughing too much to the point I can't stand on my feet and my belly hurts. If tears have to be shed, then let it be for something I can control; like bumping my elbow on something (because that hurts, a lot). And if tears have to be shed, then let it happen only when there's nothing else I can do to prevent it.

I took a lot of thinking into this. I gave my self a  last opportunity to revive all the bad moments, to see if I could find the moment when I made everything go wrong. And honestly, I can't find it; because given the circumstances, I did nothing wrong. And that is it, the end. My head is clear, and I regret nothing. 

Maybe it will take some more time to heal. Maybe things won't get back to the way they were before that fast; or maybe they just simply won't get back to how they were. But you know what?! It doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matter is that everything will, eventually, get better. 

Today, I finally forgive myself.

Do Not Low Your Head, Ever | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger


Monday, July 9, 2012


I never for once though we would get this far, this far from each other. From inseparable to disposable, and that hurts. How did we change from everything to nothing, the meaning of us?

Who though distance could change people like that... But it didn't have to be like that, I know people who made it through. So why can't we?

You'd just shrug and say: "Things change"

We can change style, company or environment and everything else around us changes too. But there's some things that shouldn't change; things I once thought had roots deeper and stronger that any change.

I was wrong.

I was wrong, I know it now. I learned it the harder way: I only realized once it was already too late to bring things back to where they used to belong. Still, I wake up every day wishing nothing had changed or that nothing changes again. And every day I fall asleep with the same disappointment filling my tired soul. 

I'm tired. Tired of fighting, of being the only one who cares, of being the only one carrying the blame when I know it's not all my fault.

Because I didn't stop trying, did I ?!?

I don't care (Appleberry) | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger  


And without having anything related to this post, I'd just like to wish a Happy Birthday to a wonderful friend of mine. Even without you noticing, you were there in the moment I needed the most; Thank you for making me smile again J :)

Monday, July 2, 2012


If you're not thinking about staying for long then don't tell, don't reveal that secret you guard deep inside you, between your soul and your heart. If you're thinking about leaving and never come back, don't reveal that feeling that has been stalking you since the day you realized nothing in this life is simple, easy, and not always you can have what you want; or what you need. But that secret is not impossible as you spent so many sleepless nights thinking; no, that secret is much more real that you've ever imagined it could be; that secret has wings to fly far, far way. If only you'd set him free...

But if you're planning on leaving, don't. Let him stay in oblivion, imagining, like I know you'll do too, how everything could be if you hadn't had to leave. But do you really have to?

Promise, even if you're not there to see him spread his wings for the first time; even if you're not there to see him be free and happy the same way you don't allow yourself to be... Before you go, promise; just promise me you'll tell him, between saudades* and goodbyes, that everything will be okay; that there's still a lot of sky for him to fly.
Blue Skies | by NaBHaN | on DevinartArt


Not really sure what was the inspiration for this little text...I had a pen on my hand and it just happened :D 

...Aaand you should definitely check Oman aka NaBHaN's gallery on DeviantArt, that guy is just AMAZING!

*Saudade: "Portuguese word to describe a feeling of longing, melancholy or nostalgia." Doesn't have an exact  translation to English.