Find Your Happy

My grandfather has a hammock in his living room. [Yes, he's cool like that...but that's beside the point here]

My grandfather has a hammock in his living room and that has to be probably my favourite thing in his entire house. A month ago I drove 130km there for a long weekend. 

I have to say, the village my grandfather lives in, is the only place I've found on planet Earth (so far) that I've never lived at and it still feels like home whenever I visit. I find a lot of peace of mind there. The air smells cleaner, the sun shines brighter and you can see the starts better when the night falls; and the view of the hills is just...breathtaking. 

I’ve spent a long time there deep in thoughts. About a lot of different things, both past and present, but what makes me happy in Life seemed to be a recurrent subject. You know, the little things like sunshine and fresh strawberries. The smell of new books and jasmine tea (or if chance allows it, both combined). The safety sensation your favourite sweater provides and a good chocolate bar.

I’ve also been thinking about my “happy place”, both mental and physical, and I find it amusing that they are the same. My happy place is that very same hammock my grandfather has in his living room. Just being there, involved in a cocoon of warmth, swinging away with a good book on my lap and no worries on my mind. And it’s just so easy, so effortless, to close my eyes and picture myself there – safe, warm, serene.

Which are also the three things I’ve come to realise I should actually aspire to achieve in Life; everything else is a bonus. Thinking back to what my ideals of Life used to be not that long ago… they seem so petty now. It’s funny how I’ve lived all my life (so far) avoiding CHANGE like it was the plague, to lately being so eager to embrace it. This year has been all about inner growth and self-discoveries and I couldn’t be in a happier place – with and within myself.

Andie

2015 in Retrospect

Here it is, the last post of 2015. And what a year it was! It had its highs and lows, and the average in betweens... It seems so uneventful and at the same time so much happened, so many things changed.

Although I keep getting older (not wiser, though), I've never felt more grown up than now, after this 12 months; more so than ever before. But there is still so much room for growing up, so much space to learn more, to explore more, to dream more... to live more! If someone had told me earlier this year that this is how it was going to end, I wouldn't have believed it.

I've witnessed the importance of having just the right people in my life, and I couldn't end this year on a high note (ok, scratch that as it might be a little farfetched...) happy note without any of my wonderful friends, especially C (she's the best!). I've learned to accept the universal truth that Life it's indeed not fair, and there isn't much to do about it other that look for a detour every time I hit a "road block" and keep going. 

I usually don't bother with New Years' Resolutions, as I end up either forgetting or not completing them. But maybe it's something I need to do: make "light", non-committal promises (that don't result in the apocalypse if I happen to break them) and stick to them; work them to my advantage. So here are some things I'll try to accomplish next year:

• Smile more
• Count my blessings (more often)
• Have more "Me" time
• Read more (I have so many books on my waiting list that it's not even funny)
• Take the camera out of the house more often
• Make new memories (preferentially happy ones)

And just for the fun of it, here is my year of 2015 in the most random picture I took each month.

2015...Random Mode | Andie Maars

See you next year,

Andie

P.S - If you found picture #10 odd, that's because I was so bored that day that spending nearly 1-hour taking glam shots of an apple seemed like a good idea! 

More Than Yesterday

I feel terribly sorry to keep bugging you with all the love I feel for this particular person. With every post I say to myself  it will be the last, that there can't possibly exist any other way to describe the same feeling... And with every post that follows I prove myself wrong. 

But at the same time I'm not sorry. Why should I stop writing about what makes me happy? Isn't it what everybody keeps looking for, a reason to be happy? Well, this person is mine and I will write about it for as long as it does so, and most likely after too, because writing about something sad is surprisingly easy (especially if you don't expect anyone to read it). 

Anyways, my love for this person began in the moment I got to meet him, the real him and not the hard and uninterested exterior he would often display. And, just like John Green wrote, I fell in love the way one falls asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I fell hard, and it had never felt so wonderful. I believe I've said it before and I'm not ashamed to admit it again, it was the not knowing that brought me in. I was amazed by the simple fact that I had "known" that person for a whole year and as just now seeing the real him. 

Loving him was like being a kid in a candy shop. He made my blood sugar high, my heart beat faster. Every new thing I learned about him mesmerized me, and with every of those little things he let me in, and I stayed. And after all this time, my love for him is still like that first spring day after a cold winter: it makes me smile, makes me feel warm and it gives me hope. He still makes my heart beat faster, but now he also makes it beat slower because being in his arms makes all the stresses go away. I feel safe with him, in every sense.

I love him more today that I did yesterday. 

Although I, more often that not, like to call him mine, he belongs only to himself. And with all his freedom, he still comes back to me, day-by-day. I'm blessed, what else could I wish for?

~Andie Maars

Happy Right Now

I did not ask for you to be perfect, nor I want you to be; I love you as you are and I don't want you to change.

I did not ask for a fairy tale, and I know it won't always be sunshine and butterflies. We'll have good days, not so good days and maybe even bad ones. There will be days when you'll doubt yourself and other when it will be me having doubts. But do not ever doubt I love you.  

I also did not ask for a "Happy Ever After", I asked for a "Happy Right Now" because life it's too short and I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. You can say I deserve better and, honestly, I'm clueless about what life will bring, but I know that the best I know I have it in you. And, if you don't mind I stay, I'll stay, with you, in this something we have I like to call mine; ours.

I think you fail to see how important you are, how much it means to me to have you. And, putting aside all the fears and insecurities I also have, I'd rather have you focused on the "now" and let the "later" for another day.

I understand what goes on your mind, I understand the source of all the concerns, I really do. I understand how scary it can be to let something you can't control take over the reins, knowing that if it doesn't end like you wished and dreamed, or if it does end, you'll fall, it'll hurt, and it'll take a while for you to be back on your feet. And while a part of you wants to go with the flow and enjoy while it's good, the other wants you to stop right now - before the fall. I understand, I really do. But the journey it's different when you're not alone, and you have me.

Let me walk with you, side by side. Let me make mistakes with you and learn, with you also, to turn the wrong right and right what when awry. Because while you're by my side, I have my "Happy Right Now" and tomorrow... tomorrow can wait.

To Infinity... | by - AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Maars

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Hello fellow readers :D

I'm sorry for the long absence, sometimes life just gets in the way... but I'll try to stop by more often.

So, what do you think? Is it any good? Let me know please :)

As usually, you can find that photo on my DeviantArt page, feel free to stop by and say Hi!

You

You were my bright light at the end of a dark tunnel I had been walking through for a long time; too long. You brought a smile to a face that never really had a real worthy reason to smile since...I don't even know when! And for all that, Thank you.

"Good things come to those who wait"

I had heard that sentence being said millions of times and not once before I had found it fair, hadn’t I already waited for so long, getting nothing but pain and sorrows. It seemed that only others could be happy, only others had good reasons to smile and something to expect...and I would just stand there feeling lost, like I didn't actually belong although I was a part of it. You changed that, too.

Every day I learn something new with you, and every day you bring new feelings to my heart, and although I welcome those feelings, I can't help to feel somehow scared because I can't fully understand most of it. And when you look at me, I feel...loved. And that seems unrealistic because I don't believe being worthy of that; I can't find anything in me that could possibly make you want to stay. You can call it stupidity, I call it insecurity. The insecurities of someone who never felt loved back. 

Sometimes things happen too fast and I need to take a step back and a deep breath so I won't freak out. But fear nothing and don't think for a second that I regret having you. No matter how scared I might sometimes look, or what happens in the future, I know for sure you are and will always be something important to me; and I'll never regret that, you.

I'm sorry. I feel the need to apologize for all the words I can't say and should. It's something the heart feels but the mouth can't say...But I'll get there, eventually; make it a promise, I swear it will come the day when I’ll be finally able to let you know all you mean to me. For the time being know I feel the exact same, if not stronger. I hope that's enough, for you, for now.

Extremely happy to have you and tremendously thankful for the day you walked in; terribly terrified with the possibility you might someday walk away...because, honestly, I can't imagine life without you (no matter how cheesy that may sound).

Light | by ~AndieMaars | original On DeviantART

~Andie Fern Maars

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Even if sometimes understand you is harder than understanding "Lusíadas", hope you know now.

[Updated 25.11.2012 - I think I'm happy with it now, but any suggestion is welcomed]