Sunday, May 20, 2012

To a friend

Running away from everything that pained me didn’t solve anything. The pain started growing larger and larger every time that my thoughts changed directions and then suddenly you appeared holding my hand and pushing me to the right way.

In the moment my mind thought that every single thing was solved, with you I felt support, happiness and a friend who would listen to my problems, and I felt grateful for having you at that time. Even though when I was away from you my might went crazy by all the painful thoughts of my life.

You know me, listened to me, gave me advice and strength to speak my might to the ones who were suppressing me and refused to see that this was my life, my mistakes and my future. You changed me to the point that I can think that nothing more can hurt the helpless little girl who couldn’t decide by herself the best way to transform the world that she lived to a better place. You helped me to discover myself and confront people about what I wanted.

To you my precious friend who rescued me from a dark place I hope that the light will also shine to you as brighter as the one you gave to me.

Lily Mead Mein

This text is dedicated to a dear friend who is always there when I need. so  I'm grateful for everything.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I'm sorry. And thank you

I was reading some old posts of mine and remembered some of the reason for have written some of them. Therefor, I'd like to devote the "Forever and a day..." post to all those people that were the other side of that "bridge", with their extended hands, open hearts, wise advises and smiling faces, and still I couldn't make my self to cross that bridge to meet them. Only I know how sorry I am for not being strong enough and not letting you be strong for me. I'm sorry...But somehow thankful for knowing you were there for me.

Nobody said it was easy | by Andie Maars | on DeviantART

~Andie Maars


What does it means to you, telling someone they're important, that they matter? 

To me that would mean they've "earned" enough privilege to actually be a part of my life: to belong to it, to deserve to know about it, about everything significant that might happen; not to just be there hanging around. That they would be trustworthy enough to know all the truth, not just some pretty pieces of it. The whole truth, even if is not that pretty, even if you think is so dark it might stain some part of their lives, of their souls. If they're trustworthy, if they care, they deserve to know; they are worthy of the true.

And the truth can hurt. Oh, and how well I know about that dark part of the truth; I've been there, a lot during the past years. But I regret nothing, I don't regret the pain nor the tears because if I still lived in a lie it would be so much worse; I know because I've also been there.

I thought that, by now, things would be...different. That, after all this years standing by you, I'd already be trustworthy. But I guess I was wrong, you don't trust me, at least not enough. And I don't know what more to do, what more to say to change that.

And you know what hurts the most? Is knowing you hide something but still feeling you've the right to tell me by your own accord, so I won't force the truth out of your mouth. No matter how bad I wish I could, I won't; no matter how bad I wish I could open a little window to your mind and discover everything I know you're hiding, I can't.

So that leaves me with just one question: Can I trust in you, knowing you don't trust me?

White Lies | by Andie Maars | on DeviantART 

I've been feeling...confused? I guess you can call it that. It's sad knowing a friend you've kept for so many years suddenly stopped trusting fully like it used to do.  And there isn't much you can do about it... Any advice people?