Sunday, August 28, 2011


When I close my eyes it’s like seeing a movie: a little girl suffocating by the needs of adults, running until there is no more place to hide and then…I open my eyes, my breathing is irregular and my heart is pounding so hard just like when I finish running some miles.

In reality, I never finished seeing that movie; I just hope that little girl find happiness. If she could at least smile once in her life I think that the all world will open in front of her. If she could only smile and tell him all feelings…

At night I can only dream about her. The way her teary eyes looked at me and asked for help when I couldn’t even move a finger or raise my voice to support her. And then she shows me the most painful smile in the all world, at that time my heart feels so much pain, even so why am I locked down? Why can’t I do anything to help her? At that moment a shadow appeared, it grabbed the little girl’s hair and dragged her to a warehouse. The door closed, at that moment my body started to move.

I run as fast as I could in her direction. It was something like an instinct, I couldn’t control, probably because I felt guilt towards not helping her when I could. “Why am I running in that direction? Don’t I know that in there is going to be dangerous? So, why?” this was what my head was thinking and in the meanwhile my body was obeying her when she told him to run towards the warehouse.

I was feeling so stupid, it remind me of those times when in those dark raining days I was sitting alone in the sofa with some popcorns watching horror movies; when the main character goes into a isolate place and starts calling for her loved one, I always thought it was stupid going all alone there because something bad was fated to happen, and in that very moment…bang, there it was the horror had begun. Somehow, now I think I understand the feelings of the main character, I was running towards dangerous, all alone, without caring of what was going to happen to me, I just wanted to find that little girl one more time and telling her that everything was fine now and that she could live freely from now on.

I got close to the door and then…I open my eyes again, at that moment I realize that I was lying down in my bed having a nightmare. I just got up went to the kitchen and drunk a glass of water, and then I got back to bed and had a nice and peaceful dream.

What was in that warehouse? What happen to that girl afterwards? Well…I know the answers to all of that, but I prefer to let your imagination run wild, at least for now.

Lily Mead Mein

Saturday, August 27, 2011


I close my eyes. I take a deep, deep breath, and I think about all the things that have been happening lately. I shake my head, not liking the way things are. I realized that, even unconsciously, I ended up running, running away from all the problems that turn my head a completely mess, in a vain attempt of forgetting all of it. Hoping internally, that when I return they’ll be gone with the wind.
Right now, I feel I’m a coward, for not facing my problems head high as I should. I know, but still I’m ashamed, that what I’m doing won’t solve anything; it’ll only make everything worse. Right now, I truthfully hate myself for not doing what I know is the right thing to do.
I’m perfectly conscious that I hurt a few people with things I’ve said and done, but mostly with things that remained unsaid and undone; forever hidden in the depths of my mind. And I regret all of it, trust you all know that; but somehow I can’t find a way to fix my mistakes.
So, all I can do is to apologize, hoping someday you’ll forgive me. Because there are things that simply I’m not used to say or do, they are strangers to me; therefore it’s extremely hard for me to express what I’m really feeling not knowing what answer/reaction I’ll get. And even knowing this awkward shyness it’s a part of who I am, I’m trying really, really hard to change that.
“Because no matter where I went, I would not be going to anywhere – I would be running from." *

Baby Rose by ~Andie Maars (thats me! :p )
You can find this picture on my DeviantART page and feel free to look into my gallery and see my other photos)
~Andie F Maars
*Quote taken from “Midnight Sun” a novel from Stephanie Meyer that hasn’t been released yet (there’s a few chapters available on the Official Web Site, if you were wondering where I got the quote from or if you what to read it too – [link])
This post [still under construction] it’s kind of depressing and stuff… I know. Too much inner conflicts for only one person; but life it’s not always fair.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A girl's life

Fighting to find life. Fighting to find a meaning. Every day is a battle against destiny. The pain, the suffering of losing someone affects me more than it should, and then it comes the nonstop crying that doesn’t let me sleep at night and suffocates me at morning, afternoon and evening.

When the storm past, I rely on my precious friend that some way or another hold my hand until I’m able to walk on my own again, there I find happiness after losing an important part of me. Because friends are as important as breathing to survive, so if I’m betrayed by them it would feel like a knife piercing through my heart and letting him bleed until there is no more drops of blood left.

After that I grow up, I became stronger, I will not stay behind so just let me fight to show everyone what I’m capable of, let me create my own world because life is much more fun when we have little control over her.

Lily Mead Mein

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Soul mate

We always look for someone that understands us, for our lost part, for our special person. It usually is a guy or a girl, women or men, which fills our standards of the perfect mate.

“I’m looking for a guy that is 1m70cm, at least, with short or medium hair, blue or green eyes (if that can be possible) and dark skin” and then just put your number and address.

It would be wonderful if things work out great just by putting an ad in the newspaper and after a few days you hear a knock at the door and voilĂ  your “special person” is standing in your hall. Amazing isn’t it?

But there is one problem: your soul mate is somebody that complements you (it doesn’t mean that it has to be physically) and actually it can be exciting being near someone that you don’t know deeply because he or she can always surprise you, but there is where the problem resides. That person can even surprise in a good or bad way just like somebody close to you, but the ones that are more connected to us are easily forgiven.

If you want to know if the right person is next to you or maybe not just try to experience living near him or her (like in the same house or just being friends), because someone can be a friend, family, a complete stranger that past you on the street or somebody that is lucky enough to have a chance to spend his/her life next to you now and forever.

Lily Mead Mein
P.S: sorry for not writing anything latelly, but I had a problem. Lack of ideas. Hope that you enjoy it.