Saturday, December 15, 2012

It wasn't just bad luck.. [Beth]

She's tired. Tired of the drama, tired of the tears and tired tired. She's not a quitter, she's a fighter, she doesn't give up... But right now, if she could lay her head in a flat surface and fall asleep forever, she would.

She would look in the mirror every day, and in each day that passed she recognized her reflection less and less; she was losing herself and there was nothing she could still do about it. Never for a second had she considered any of the other options that flashed through her mind, but to fight back; and there had been many other options, but all of them implied she would have to quit and she wasn't a quitter. She had fought for control from the very beginning when everything fell apart. And she'd fight every day, with all her strength, and every day she would fail; losing a piece of herself in the way.

She was failing, falling into the unknown and she couldn't understand how; because she never stopped fighting, not once. Maybe Life itself was giving up on her, or the World had something against her; what else could have happened for her life to be the way it was now? 

It wasn't just bad luck. No, that was something she knew like the back of her hand; she almost considers it like an old friend for so well she knew it. And this time it wasn't it, it was something more, something worse. 


~Andie Maars

Hello fellow readers (if there's any) :D
I'd like to introduce you to a new character of mine that takes part in a new story I'm writing. As you might have guessed, yes, the previous post - She knows it's nothing...Isn't it?! -was about her.

And here's what I can tell you, for now,about her:
She's a pure heart kind of girl, innocent and too naive, that had just got her quiet boring little world back until everything crashed down on her; again. Now she has to face some hard decisions that go against everything she grown up believing. She thinks of her self as a weak person, but she will discover in the hardest ways that she's stronger that she given herself credit.

I'm thinking about naming her Beth-Marie (but if you have a better suggestion please let me know and I'll seriously take it into consideration).

The story doesn't exactly has a defined plot yet but I'm working on it. I'll be posting here some parts of the story as soon as I write them...
Let me hear what you think, please?!  :)

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Love


Love
Don't measure amounts of Love
Measure its depth
Count the brightness of sparkles in the eyes
And those little shared smiles,
The things done
Without expecting something in return
And the way his fingers
Fit perfectly between yours when you least expecting
Count the compliments
And its contents
And remember a little cheesy feels good now and then
Don’t take things for granted
Love deeply,
Love purely,
Love with all you have
Just don’t let your heart get owned
By someone that simply doesn't care

~Andie Maars


I was feeling a little cheesy and voilà  :D

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Wednesdays

I know what you've been trough; I've been there before. And I know how much it hurts; I've felt that too. But giving up it's not an options darling - It never was, it will never be. The tears you shed yesterday will be tomorrow memories, if you aloud them to. But if you dwell on then like you've been doing lately, instead of just memories tomorrow they'll still be the painful thoughts you cried until dawn. Trust me when I say that is the last thing you want; never cry the same pains twice, it will only give them power to keep hurting you. Instead let the tears wash those unwanted feeling for you, take them out of your mind while the drops slide slowly down your face...

I used to like Wednesday...Not until 4 weeks ago it probably was my third favorite day of the week. Yes, it was a Wednesday when my heart broke for the first time, but I had already got over it long ago. I had already forgiven that Wednesday.
And it was a Wednesday when I found out how broken you are darling... Don't let those scars define you. Don't let the tears overrule your nights. But the most important might be not letting him define your happiness; because you deserve that beautiful smile that once filled your face always.

Show the world, show him, how strong you are darling. Turn the pains into strength, the tears into smiles and use this experience to prevent future ones. Never take anything for granted darling and never hand out your heart to the first guy that says nice things. I'm not saying not to love too fast - love the fastest you want dear, it's good for the heart to be swelled with love -, just keep something to yourself until you're certain you're getting something equally satisfactory in return. 

Don't measure amounts of love. Measure its depth. And you'll be fine, eventually.


I hate Wednesdays! But I love you...

~Andie Fern Maars

Not sure if is a W.I.P or not, but it definitely needs a few retouches when I find the time to do so.  Updated 12.03.2013
B
F

Friday, November 23, 2012

You


You were my bright light at the end of a dark tunnel I had been walking through for a long time; too long. You brought a smile to a face that never really had a real worthy reason to smile since...I don't even know when! And for all that, Thank you.

"Good things come to those who wait"

I had heard that sentence being said millions of times and not once before I had found it fair, hadn’t I already waited for so long, getting nothing but pain and sorrows. It seemed that only others could be happy, only others had good reasons to smile and something to expect...and I would just stand there feeling lost, like I didn't actually belong although I was a part of it. You changed that, too.

Every day I learn something new with you, and every day you bring new feelings to my heart, and although I welcome those feelings, I can't help to feel somehow scared because I can't fully understand most of it. And when you look at me, I feel...loved. And that seems unrealistic because I don't believe being worthy of that; I can't find anything in me that could possibly make you want to stay. You can call it stupidity, I call it insecurity. The insecurities of someone who never felt loved back. 

Sometimes things happen too fast and I need to take a step back and a deep breath so I won't freak out. But fear nothing and don't think for a second that I regret having you. No matter how scared I might sometimes look, or what happens in the future, I know for sure you are and will always be something important to me; and I'll never regret that, you.

I'm sorry. I feel the need to apologize for all the words I can't say and should. It's something the heart feels but the mouth can't say...But I'll get there, eventually; make it a promise, I swear it will come the day when I’ll be finally able to let you know all you mean to me. For the time being know I feel the exact same, if not stronger. I hope that's enough, for you, for now.

Extremely happy to have you and tremendously thankful for the day you walked in; terribly terrified with the possibility you might someday walk away...because, honestly, I can't imagine life without you (no matter how cheesy that may sound).

Light | by ~AndieMaars | original On DeviantART


~Andie Fern Maars

Even if sometimes understand you is harder than understanding "Lusíadas", hope you know now.
[Updated 25.11.2012 - I think I'm happy with it now, but any suggestion is welcomed]

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Believe me darling

Believe me darling, I know what you're feeling and I know that is only temporary. Even if now it looks like it's the end of the world. Believe me, it is not. Because one day the tears will eventually dry up, the wounds will heal and the pain will slowly fade away. Because Time is all you need honey. A little or a lot it doesn't matters nor its up to you, but one day you will wake up and notice that the pain is no longer there.

And with time you will also learn to forget, even if now it seems impossible, even if you force yourself to remember, you'll reach the day when you will only remember what is truly important: what you learned and that sometime along that adventure you and him were linked by the same motives, the same feelings. And that's all that matters, nothing else.

Forgiveness is another thing that comes with Time. Although now that looks ridiculous and you only wish for him to suffer the same you do, or even more - knowing that it will probably never happen, because the one who's left behind  always suffers more. But it will come the day you'll wake up and you will no longer hold a grudge against him inside you; even if he never asks for your forgiveness, you're going to forgive him because it just shows how much of a better person you are, were and will ever be - Haven't I told you that countless times darling?

I know that now it seems difficult and possibly humanly impossible but you will get there, as I and so many others before me did.

And who knows, maybe soon you will find someone new - just like I did -, that will make your heart beat faster again? Because with each adventure that ends, there's always another just waiting to start; never forget it my dear.


Remember also that I'm always here, if you need a shoulder where to temporary lay your head...

Believe me, my dear | by ~AndieMaars | On DeviantART


~Andie Fern Maars



A friendly advice to a special friend, from someone that has been there, returned and found a new beginning. Hope you all like it (: 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

She Knows It's Nothing...Isn't It? [Beth]

"It meant nothing. It meant nothing! Nothing..." That was all she keeps thinking every time she had to see him. It was all she could allowed herself to think whenever she talked to him. She couldn't dare to feel it...to feel hope; to feel hopeful, wishing for something she deep inside knew so well it would never happen again. But that didn't stop the dreams at night nor the constant day-dreams she would find herself falling into unintentionally. 

She denied it to anyone that asked. "Nothing happened" or "It means nothing to me", she lost the count of how many asked and how many times she lied. Because if others knew what she felt deep inside, she would be vulnerable in other places rather just in her bedroom when nobody was watching. Because others though she was strong and independent and, honestly, she couldn't take it if everybody started thinking otherwise just because she let her feelings slip for a while in that night; the night that changed it all. And it didn't take long for her life to take a 180º degrees change... One hour. Letting the barriers down for one single hour as all it took for everything to change. 

And she hates it. 

She hates the fact that she let it happen again; that she let herself feel something again. And that could have been nothing if she didn't know that what she allowed herself to feel that night was something she could and wanted to give...but couldn't and wouldn't get back. All because she wasn't good enough; it was always because she was never good enough. She knew it well, so damn well! But still...that doesn't stops her heart of beating a little faster whenever he walks by. 

She feared love like it was a 7-headed monster, but still couldn't help to feel a little attracted by its beauty whenever she would stumble across it. It was curiosity that brought her in in the first place and it was what brought her in this time too. She was curious, and she knew it. She couldn't stand a little mystery without feeling the need to solve it; that was what love meant to her, a huge, deep, ugly mystery she couldn't help to try to solve. Even when she knew there wasn't an answer or simple solution to it. But it shouldn't hurt to try, it shouldn't. 

But it did...and it still does. And she knows that too.

Thiner than thread | by ~AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Fern Maars


I decided to try something different this time...Please let me know what you think about this one. I'll be posting "sequels" to this one in the near future, so keep checking back for more :)

Monday, October 15, 2012

(Mis)Communication



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: 
Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I read that statement somewhere around the World Wide Web* and it got me thinking...Have I ever felt that way? Hurt by something I haven't said or by something I wish I hadn't? 

Getting really deep into that question I realize I don’t have just one answer. I can find a dozen of them and none of them is simple or easy to verbalize. I could say that its better saying everything you need to say so later on life you won’t need to wonder ‘What if..?’ But what if that something you have to say will most surely change completely your life, or someone else’s, and most surely not for the better? What if you already know what will be the comeback for whatever you want to say? Are you really going to attempt a broken heart? Worse, a broken friendship? Or even worse, both, at the same time? You can call me a drama queen all you want, but I've seen that happen; I've felt the consequences of that. 

Around 60% of what we say doesn't involve words, but gestures and facial/body expressions we do mostly unconsciously.  I can only guess how much information I've missed and how many of my deepest secrets were released unconsciously... 



~Andie Maars



Hey guys!
First I'd like to apologize for let you without anything new here for a month (I can't actually believe it has been that long, sorry)

Here's another one of my 'Have you ever...' posts :D it's been a while since the last one. So, what do you think? A little feedback would be awesome!!

*Oh, and if you know who wrote that quote in the beginning would you please let me know so I'll give credit to the owner?! Thank you :)

Sunday, September 30, 2012

It's not a new text...Sorry


I'm so sorry it's been so long since my last post but I just can't finish any of the new stuff I've started writing . I think I need to take a step back and put my head in order before I post anything again. Please bear with the wait and, hopefully, I'll be back soon with new post for you guys.

In the meanwhile, here's one of my newest pics on DeviantART. And if you have the time, feel free to stop by there to show your support(link under the pic). 
                                                                             Dry| by ~AndieMaars | On DeviantART
My Gallery on Deviantart
Love,
Andie.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Good vs Evil


When we were kids we often heard adults saying that “bad people go to hell and the good ones go to heaven so we should become good kids because the good always prevail over the evil” at that time we are presented with the concepts of god and devil. Then we reach the control remote and turn on the television to watch cartoons or other series for kids and we saw that that the hero always manage to defeat the villain and for some reason when they finish defeating the evil ones they always ended up doing a crazy pose while saying something philosophic (I never understood why).


Then when is time for bed the adults come and to tell us stories about magnificent characters that fight the bad ones in heroic ways so they can save the ones they care about and just when they think that we are asleep they start fighting. In the next day we go to school and saw someone crying, cursing god for something and we hear adults say that by doing that we will go to hell. At the time that our parents came to pick us up and for some reason we decide that we want something and hear a no as an answer, then we start crying and making a fuss and once again we hear that “bad things happen to bad kids so we should behave” and we do as we are told.


As we grow up we start to understand that the usual talk about good prevailing over evil it’s just a myth or it can also be called a miracle because it rarely happen and there is only a few people that see it happen. We begin to know that there is more evil that good in the world and that adults have been lying to us all along (only later is they we understand that they did that for our protection). That all those wonderful stories that we were once told have a name given by the adults “fiction” in other words none of that actually happen.


And so because of all of that and other circumstances in our lives we are forced to choose between good or evil and so we do it even if it means that in the future that choice would change.






Lily Mead Mein


P.S.: if anyone has an idea for a better title for this publication, please leave a comment bellow. 




Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Every day (What are you looking for?)


"What are you looking for, after all?" You asked before you turned your back to me and left; that was the last thing I heard of you.

What am I looking for, you ask? If I had the nerve to answer you, I’d call you back and say I’m looking for what’s good for me. And if I told you this face to face you’d put that look in your face, you know, that look like I’m being crazy for saying something nonsense. Then you’d probably be silence for a while, lost in your mind and then, you’d sigh and say: - "I could be good for you, I know I would".

I’d answer back that you were probably right; you could turn to be something good for me. But just because I know something is good for me, it still doesn’t mean my heart will think the same. There you’d laugh and say that the heart doesn’t think; and you’d probably say that with a tone of cynicism in your voice like I was lunatic for saying something like that. But deep inside you’d know I’m right for believing in that. Because you know me. You know how my heart was a ‘mind’ of his own and, honestly, doesn’t care if anything is right or wrong if it’s what it wants. Or at least you should know; haven’t you said you fell in love with me because of my words? Then you should know it was my heart that wrote all those words, all those confessions, because my own mind it’s too shy, too coward to express them.
              
Then you’d say that you’re tired of trying to fix me, of trying to make me understand that I need to let go and move on. Who are you to say if I need or not to let go? I could say you were implying that I'm still suffering because of that same old crap because I choose to do so. Who's the crazy one here now?

That would be the point when I’d lose it. I’d look you straight in the eye and I’d say: - "I’m not suffering, not anymore; I’m long past that. And if you think I’d ever choose to feel that way then you don’t know me at all; I’d never chose pain over happiness. And if you’re tired then go, no one asked you to stay; I always thought you were here because you wanted to be, no charge implied. Maybe you’re not that good to me; because what’s good for me is someone that will do the fixing without realizing I need it or that they’re doing it in the first place".

I need someone that will stay, even if it’s hard, even if they’ve to struggle to remain sane in this crazy world like I do; every day. 

~Andie Maars


I was inspired and came up with this? I wanna know what you think, because your opinions matter to me. So... Please, let me know :)

Monday, July 30, 2012

People came and go. Only this empty room stays the same.


One day I opened my eyes to see a dark room full with nothing but air. It was dark and silent, no one but me was there until I heard a laughter.  Without knowing where it came from I started searching but all I could find were dead ends.

The laughter continued for a long time and, as time went by, it became louder. It was like magic. And then I realized I wanted to get out so I started to scream for help but no one answered; I screamed until my voice couldn’t be heard anymore and then the silence came back.

The next day it all started again but there was an answer this time. “Are you all right?”, that sentence saved me. But I was still locked in that empty room day after day, so I asked for help again but no one answered. I was being abandoned again, or so I thought. There was noise behind me I didn’t know what it was until a light appeared; it was my first time seeing something so bright, I was fascinated so I run into that shinny place to find out that you had forced the door to open so I could be rescued.

So for the first time in my life I saw people like me, instead of that dark room. One of them approached me and said “Are you all right?”. That was the same voice as before, I had met you and then many others came as well; I had made friends.

You presented me the sun and showed me the stars and the moon. You taught me kindness and I learned how to love. You teach me everything I know today. You made me.

Many years have passed since that fateful day, my friends disappeared one by one but you always stayed by me... until I lost you too. That’s why today I visited that room again. It’s still the same as when I left it: the door is still broken, the silence inside is the same as before, and there is still the same darkness around; only a single ray of light still dares to invade that dark room, just like before.


Lily Mead Mein 

Friday, July 27, 2012

Heart Beat (work in progress)


You hear his name and your heart races, fast; and wherever you are, you just can’t stop thinking if he still misses you like you miss him.

Because sometimes there's no right and wrong, just what the heart feels and, right now, you know it beats by its own rhythm; but not so long ago it used to beat by his rhythm, by the words he used to say even if he didn’t felt them. Because you did and so did your heart. And that was all he cared about. Nothing more.

You'll cry, scream and in the end, and maybe even after that, you'll ask why, and no matter how hard you try, you won’t find an answer. Because the heart beat can’t be justified. And you know that. That’s why you still feel it beat every day, strongly in your chest...Even after he broke it.

But don’t you worry. Yes, your heart may be unwise, imprudent and maybe too naïve, but is strong and somehow it will survive. And one day, one day you'll find someone that will redefine the beat of your heart with his own words, but this time that someone will also realize his heart also beats by the rhythm of your words.

That, is love.


~Andie Maars


So, what do you think? Some feedback would be great guys :D
Anyway, this is a little thing I've been working on lately and it's still a work in progress 
[but I didn't want to leave you guys with nothing new to read here] and I feel that there are quite a few different directions it could evolve to (a little help, maybe?).

Keep checking back for more :)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Restart

I realized my posts were slowly stepping down trough what I like to call the "Depressed Line", and were getting dangerously closer to the bottom. And that fact scared me. Because that it's a place I thought I'd never return to and, unknowingly, I was already there again. 

Sometimes I don't understand myself. I really don't. Yes, some depressing stuff happened; but I lived. I lived, I got over it and rediscovered my smile; and new reasons to smile too. I found new people that actually deserved my attention, my affection , my dedication... and I got over it, I did. But sometimes it all comes back for no reason; like the memory needed to me remembered the same way a dog needs to be petted. It's seems that there's some kind of trigger that starts it, I just haven't figure it out yet. It could be anything, a song, a picture, a place...All I know is that, when I notice it, there's already a new slightly depressive text on the blog. It could be compared to post traumatic stress disorder, only in a less, less severe way. 

But that ends today, right now. No more depressed stuff. No more references to whatever happened in the past. If tears have to be shed, then let it be for laughing too much to the point I can't stand on my feet and my belly hurts. If tears have to be shed, then let it be for something I can control; like bumping my elbow on something (because that hurts, a lot). And if tears have to be shed, then let it happen only when there's nothing else I can do to prevent it.

I took a lot of thinking into this. I gave my self a  last opportunity to revive all the bad moments, to see if I could find the moment when I made everything go wrong. And honestly, I can't find it; because given the circumstances, I did nothing wrong. And that is it, the end. My head is clear, and I regret nothing. 

Maybe it will take some more time to heal. Maybe things won't get back to the way they were before that fast; or maybe they just simply won't get back to how they were. But you know what?! It doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matter is that everything will, eventually, get better. 

Today, I finally forgive myself.

Do Not Low Your Head, Ever | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger


~Andie

Monday, July 9, 2012

Distance

I never for once though we would get this far, this far from each other. From inseparable to disposable, and that hurts. How did we change from everything to nothing, the meaning of us?

Who though distance could change people like that... But it didn't have to be like that, I know people who made it through. So why can't we?

You'd just shrug and say: "Things change"

We can change style, company or environment and everything else around us changes too. But there's some things that shouldn't change; things I once thought had roots deeper and stronger that any change.

I was wrong.

I was wrong, I know it now. I learned it the harder way: I only realized once it was already too late to bring things back to where they used to belong. Still, I wake up every day wishing nothing had changed or that nothing changes again. And every day I fall asleep with the same disappointment filling my tired soul. 

I'm tired. Tired of fighting, of being the only one who cares, of being the only one carrying the blame when I know it's not all my fault.

Because I didn't stop trying, did I ?!?

I don't care (Appleberry) | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger  

                                                                                                                   ~Andie




And without having anything related to this post, I'd just like to wish a Happy Birthday to a wonderful friend of mine. Even without you noticing, you were there in the moment I needed the most; Thank you for making me smile again J :)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Leaving

If you're not thinking about staying for long then don't tell, don't reveal that secret you guard deep inside you, between your soul and your heart. If you're thinking about leaving and never come back, don't reveal that feeling that has been stalking you since the day you realized nothing in this life is simple, easy, and not always you can have what you want; or what you need. But that secret is not impossible as you spent so many sleepless nights thinking; no, that secret is much more real that you've ever imagined it could be; that secret has wings to fly far, far way. If only you'd set him free...

But if you're planning on leaving, don't. Let him stay in oblivion, imagining, like I know you'll do too, how everything could be if you hadn't had to leave. But do you really have to?

Promise, even if you're not there to see him spread his wings for the first time; even if you're not there to see him be free and happy the same way you don't allow yourself to be... Before you go, promise; just promise me you'll tell him, between saudades* and goodbyes, that everything will be okay; that there's still a lot of sky for him to fly.
Blue Skies | by NaBHaN | on DevinartArt

~Andie


Not really sure what was the inspiration for this little text...I had a pen on my hand and it just happened :D 

...Aaand you should definitely check Oman aka NaBHaN's gallery on DeviantArt, that guy is just AMAZING!

*Saudade: "Portuguese word to describe a feeling of longing, melancholy or nostalgia." Doesn't have an exact  translation to English.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Broken Angel


A second choice. That’s what I feel I am; a second choice. A person everybody calls last, because it’s mostly sure I’ll pick up and I’ll be available for whatever the reason you called. I don’t really know how to explain this feeling, it’s like I've ‘Easy’ written on my forehead; am I that easy? I truly want to know, am I?  It’s like I don’t even deserve a chance to try and be myself because everybody expects me to be someone else, a replacement of someone else; a second choice. So I live with the constant reminder that I was never good enough, that I’m never good enough to be just myself.

And that’s all I ask for, a chance, an opportunity to be myself and nobody else. And it shouldn't be too much to ask, at all. But I still see all the astonished faces every single time I try, pushing me down to the oblivion, hoping I’ll forget it or get too tired to try again. But I still rise, again, every time they try to push me down, most of the times without any help; because I’m not expected to need that help. I’m expected to be quiet and perfect like a little doll; flawless.

And even though I know it’s not my fault they think like that, I still try to impress them…all to no avail.

But I’m not flawless; I actually stand far from that. I can feel my soul covered with ugly scars life gave me for trying to please everybody, but I can’t help it. I can’t help trying to help others  become better even if that implies I’ll be hurting, even if that implies not getting anything nice in return from them, not a ‘thank you’, not a hand shake, not even a smile; all I’m worth of are sympathetic lies, punches in the heart and stabs in the soul. But I stitch my soul, dry my tears and in the next day I’m there again, against all odds, ready for another round.

So you can say that I’m easy, the amount of times you want to; but don’t you dare say I’m not strong.


Dark Velvet | by Andie Maars | original on DeviantArt
~Andie


You should listen to Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue while you read this… [link]

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Irreplaceable. Gone

[Please read all the way 'till the end and you'll understand what this it.]

"One day, someone asked me if I had found the love of my life. 
I answered:

I did, once. But I let her go. One day she was here and in the other she had vanished; "Gone with the wind". And it was my fault. I used to think about her as a safety net because she was always there. I was stupid because I knew she loved me, but I never loved her back while I could. I kissed her once or twice but then I... I pushed her away of my life because she always asked too many questions; now I know she was only being careful because I had already broken her heart before. She only needed to be sure I was into it as much as she was. But I wasn’t. I’m ashamed to say that I was using her to forget someone that broke my heart before. And she didn’t deserve it, at all. She was the sweetest, most funny, loveliest girl I’ve ever met and I broke her. I broke her so bad… I lost her in the day I decide she wasn’t good enough to me and started dating another girl. I bet she noticed, she always notices those things. But she was. Oh gosh she was too good to me, and she knew it but she chose me anyway… and I let her down.

I thought she was being hard when I first tried to kiss her because she didn’t like me… A few months later I figure it out that in that night I told her I still loved my ex-girlfriend; that’s why she kept push me away all night long. But then I called her in the week that followed and she didn’t hesitate when I tried then. Now I can imagine what she thought: I called her, so I want to be with her. She interpreted that call as I silent yes I never said.  And I should, I should have said yes while I could...

Now is too late.

I saw her a few days ago, in the street. There she was, beautiful as always; even more I would say. There she was, holding hands with a man I didn’t know. She seemed happy, really happy. It was obvious she loved the man she was holding hands with. For just a second I thought I saw something shiny on her left hand; and engagement ring perhaps… I took too long to realize she was the one I wanted, and someone else did. I didn’t say a word; just froze in the middle of the street when I saw her coming in my direction. And she passed through me without blinking; she didn’t recognize me. Or maybe she did (she told me once when we were just kids that she hardly forgets a face), as the guy that broke her heart, twice

Although I know I would be a better man with her by my side, what I saw was she being better without me, happier without me; and noticed I was miserable without her.  In that moment, I wished I had answered all those text messages she used to send – “just to say hi ” as she used to reply if I asked – just to keep in touch. But I used to ignored her most of the time. “She’s just a kid”, I used to think.  After that, I realized she had alway been much more mature than I, in so many ways.

Sometimes I wonder about what invited her in the first place. What could I have possibly done for her to fall for me…?  And I can’t find an answer.  She was perfect and I was, and honestly still am, stupid.
I wished I could apologize, for all the pain I caused, for all the things I haven’t done or said; for all the no’s she had to ear. Maybe I could even ask for another chance (if what she felt was real she still feels it, right?); because maybe, just maybe, that shiny reflection might have been an illusion.  Who am I trying to trick? She gave me too many chances, so asking for another one its suicide… but if I could, I would.

What wouldn’t I give just to start all over again with her…! But she is priceless. Even thought, I would give everything to have her in my arms again; for one last chance I know I don’t deserve." 

~Andie Maars


This text belongs to a story I'm writing  (I've posted some other texts/poems from it around here*) but this one is in the P.O.V of a new character that doesn't have a name yet :D

*And here they are: , "Irrational Fear" , "Dreamand "I remember you"'...Remember them?