Honestly [part 1]

Lately, I've noticed that a lot of the same words and ideas keep swirling around in my head over and over. I keep pushing them back, send them away, and they keep coming back. Which is a little surprising, because I'm usually okay at bending them to my liking... But not this time.

I've never been much of a "it's fate"-thing kind of person. But there is no denying that these words in my head are fighting their way out one way or another - and they're winning. So, with nothing but honesty in my heart, I'm letting them out. [not all at once, so you get some of it now and some of it to come next month]

I've finally realised why it hurt so much more that he didn't want to stay friends, than it did when it all ended. You see, in my wild - and very naive - imagination, I though we could figure it all out as friends, without the pressure that comes with a relationship. Talk it out but still be there as each other support system like we had been in the years before. Take time to actually build the foundations we were severely lacking before and, maybe, maybe with time things could go back to the way they were (but better).  

I can see now how it was all mostly wishful thinking, and perhaps that's why I never actually voiced this idea - and as much as I enjoy being always right, this time I can't blame anyone but myself. 

I've been on this new road of self-discovery for what feels like five minutes and, although I've learned a whole lot, I already know it doesn't lead Home. 

Andie

current mood: grey with chance of rain
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[Part 2]

There is more of this to come next month, keep tuned for that.. or don't, you do you.

(Mis)Communication

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: 

Saying something and wishing you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I read that statement somewhere around the World Wide Web* and it got me thinking...Have I ever felt that way? Hurt by something I haven't said or by something I wish I hadn't? 

Getting really deep into that question I realize I don’t have just one answer. I can find a dozen of them and none of them is simple or easy to verbalize. I could say that its better saying everything you need to say so later on life you won’t need to wonder ‘What if..?’ But what if that something you have to say will most surely change completely your life, or someone else’s, and most surely not for the better? What if you already know what will be the comeback for whatever you want to say? Are you really going to attempt a broken heart? Worse, a broken friendship? Or even worse, both, at the same time? You can call me a drama queen all you want, but I've seen that happen; I've felt the consequences of that. 

Around 60% of what we say doesn't involve words, but gestures and facial/body expressions we do mostly unconsciously.  I can only guess how much information I've missed and how many of my deepest secrets were released unconsciously... 

~Andie Maars

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Hey guys!

First I'd like to apologize for let you without anything new here for a month (I can't actually believe it has been that long, sorry)

Here's another one of my 'Have you ever...' posts :D it's been a while since the last one. So, what do you think? A little feedback would be awesome!!

*Oh, and if you know who wrote that quote in the beginning would you please let me know so I'll give credit to the owner?! Thank you :)