Sunday, March 11, 2012

Lost

Today I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize what I saw.

I had so many dreams, so many things I wished I had already achieved by now... I feel like I've disappointed myself,  for not being where I used to picture myself  in dreams not really long ago. But looking back, I can't tell where I lost the track of my life or where I've given up; because that's what I feel, that I've given up fighting, as if I didn't deserve none of those things I dreamed.

And as if feeling lost wasn't enough, lately my (not that dark but still disturbing and depressive) past seems to think is very funny to hunt me while I sleep, so that I can't move on nor forget you. To add to that, there's a song playing nearly 24/7 on my head (a song that I'm apparently composing little by little), and no mater how hard I try to deny it, is all about you. It's all about the things you said and the things you didn't, the things you done and the things you broke. I wish I was a singer good enough to finish it, record it and play it everywhere, so you would know.

A few weeks ago I found peace in something I'd never imagine I'd. To be honest I not only found peace but also thought I had found myself; I thought I was cured, cured from your ghost. But you never really left. I can see it now; you're just hidden. Damn you!!

But the dreams aren't always that bad, in some I see myself happy with someone else while you're depressed at a corner. In those good dreams I can visualize myself with a happy (and honestly frighteningly big) new family. I can see that that trip it wasn't completely in vain. I'm not cured, yet, but I've learned a way to get there. A way I'll walk one, twice, ten times, again and again when needed. I'll walk all those miles, and maybe, maybe one day those happy dreams might come true...and I'll find my way home.

Santiago, espérame. Volveré pronto..



Way | by AndieMaars | on DeviantArt
[You can find the original picture here]

~Andie

[Yay! to another almost depressing post]
[I realized I don't really like the way this post turned up...I'll be rewriting (or posting another version) it anytime soon, so, if you like this one make sure you read it before its gone.]