Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Every day (What are you looking for?)

"What are you looking for, after all?" You asked before you turned your back to me and left; that was the last thing I heard of you.

What am I looking for, you ask? If I had the nerve to answer you, I’d call you back and say I’m looking for what’s good for me. And if I told you this face to face you’d put that look in your face, you know, that look like I’m being crazy for saying something nonsense. Then you’d probably be silence for a while, lost in your mind and then, you’d sigh and say: - "I could be good for you, I know I would".

I’d answer back that you were probably right; you could turn to be something good for me. But just because I know something is good for me, it still doesn’t mean my heart will think the same. There you’d laugh and say that the heart doesn’t think; and you’d probably say that with a tone of cynicism in your voice like I was lunatic for saying something like that. But deep inside you’d know I’m right for believing in that. Because you know me. You know how my heart was a ‘mind’ of his own and, honestly, doesn’t care if anything is right or wrong if it’s what it wants. Or at least you should know; haven’t you said you fell in love with me because of my words? Then you should know it was my heart that wrote all those words, all those confessions, because my own mind it’s too shy, too coward to express them.
Then you’d say that you’re tired of trying to fix me, of trying to make me understand that I need to let go and move on. Who are you to say if I need or not to let go? I could say you were implying that I'm still suffering because of that same old crap because I choose to do so. Who's the crazy one here now?

That would be the point when I’d lose it. I’d look you straight in the eye and I’d say: - "I’m not suffering, not anymore; I’m long past that. And if you think I’d ever choose to feel that way then you don’t know me at all; I’d never chose pain over happiness. And if you’re tired then go, no one asked you to stay; I always thought you were here because you wanted to be, no charge implied. Maybe you’re not that good to me; because what’s good for me is someone that will do the fixing without realizing I need it or that they’re doing it in the first place".

I need someone that will stay, even if it’s hard, even if they’ve to struggle to remain sane in this crazy world like I do; every day. 

~Andie Maars

I was inspired and came up with this? I wanna know what you think, because your opinions matter to me. So... Please, let me know :)

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