Sunday, December 6, 2015

final words

26/01/2016 Update: As promised, here is the new improved version. Now that the I no longer feel all that anger, it has been polished and thought trough... but I believe the core ideas remain.


Dear F 

I’ve lost count of how many days have gone by since it all ended; it feels both so far away and too close. I haven't forgotten anything, the good and the bad, the promises and the lies...But deep inside, I can't find it in me to hate you (much to your disappointment).  

There are still days when I wake up missing you, wondering how you are doing. I have come to terms that my feelings for you after that fateful day have changed, a lot. But the emptiness is still there, lodged deep in my heart. I miss you, but I don't want you back.

I want you to know that I'll always care for you because, at some point in time, you were one of the most important people in my life - and that was real (even if everything else might have not). I learned a lot from you, and I know that all this gave me a new understanding of Life and, more importantly, of myself. 

I've learned where my standards stand now; I know how to know when to give up and when to keep fighting. I've learned that not bringing up a subject just because I don't like arguments won't do. I need to stand for what I believe is right - if not for everyone, at least for myself -, and we stand at opposite sides in so many core ideas... The best analogy I can find is that we began building the house by the roof, and with no foundations it just...collapsed.

I’m still re-learning to look at things without associating them with memories of you, and it gets easier with every day that passes. I keep finding all the little things that make life worth living that had skipped my mind this past 3 years; the world is a beautiful place and I can see now why. The grieving process is over.

I learned, I grew up and I changed. And maybe missing you is simply part of the process.

I hope you are happy and I, sincerely, wish you all the best.
Andie