the end of a love story

I have read hundreds of books with love stories, and that many (if not more) of broken hearts. I have read enough to think that by now I'd be able to predict the aftermath, to know what to expect when the love story turns into a broken heart. I predicted the shock and the tears. The irrational anger and utter disappointment. Confusion and clarity...the loneliness. 

The shock hit me first, out of the blue, like a punch straight to my lungs. The tears threatened to fall...but I held strong. The anger of knowing something so beautiful had just got irreparably broken, and the disappointment of the biggest promise he didn't keep. Liar

The confusion of wondering who would make me happy from now on, and the clarity of realizing he was never the source of that happiness. Loneliness being solved by a phone call to the best friend that had always been there in times of need. 

However, never in a million of years would I have expected to feel this... empty. 

I'd like to think of myself as a happy person, at least for most of the time. Nevertheless, the moment it finally sank in that it was over, I felt as if I had never had any feelings at all. What hurt the most weren't any of those things. No, what hurt the most was the sudden emptiness of my future: the unfulfilled promises, the adventure we would never get to live, the imaginary babies that would never be born...

A part of me that didn't exist yet died today...

People will say I need to be strong, that everything will be alright. But I've dodged a few stones thrown my way before and this will not be the one to take me down. I will not fall, nor will my tears. This story may end here, but my life does not and certainly will not my happiness.

~Andie

Pet Peeves # LetsTalk Light

Talking (or writing) "light" is the last thing I feel like doing; my levels of frustration are way too high. But that also means nothing productive will ever come out if I attempt to write it down. Maybe in a few days, who knows... So I thought about doing the opposite, to try to fight the incoherence that's going on my mind, and venture onto lighter topics.

So lets talk about pet peeves. 

Pet Peeve

noun [C]  /ˈpet ˈpiv/

› something that especially annoys you

I have to be honest, I enjoy doing things (lets make it clear, not intentionally)  that can be classified as other people' pet peeves, such as drag my nails - or any object that may be on the table - along the table-cloth and click the pen until my thumb falls off. Therefor, there aren't many thing that annoy me to the point I feel like screaming to the person doing it. 

The first pet peeve is when, in restaurants, the servants keep pouring my drink for me when my glass is empty. If it's water or wine - which are drinks that usually everyone at the table is also drinking -, I don't mind at all. What annoys me its when it is coke (or any other drink that comes in a can or small bottle). I'm okay with it being opened for me when it first reaches the table, I'm NOT okay with it being poured into my glass afterwards. I don't drink sugar-y drinks very often, and when I do, I don't like to drink more than one can/bottle during the meal, so I try to only pour it in the glass when I feel like drinking it and avoid the temptation of drinking everything before the main course arrives. 

The second (and so far the last) is messy fridges/freezers. Both in the super market and at home. 

It annoys me to no end if, in the super market, people take out items from a fridge/ freezer but then change their minds and just throw it back inside, not caring if it is in the same place it was before. 

At home, is when someone decides that piling big containers on top of small ones or piling stuff on top of unstable things (like food that doesn't fit a container and is put in the fridge with film wrap around the pan/ dish), is a great (and safe) idea. It also annoys me to see food of the same 'category' in different shelves or drawers. When it gets really bad, I wait until everybody is asleep and venture to the kitchen to tidy up the fridge and make it look picture perfect. I also avoid looking in the freezer because everything in there that was stored in plastic bags as just thrown in there and it froze in odd shapes and now nothing fits anymore (and because my family also seems to have an aversion to labels, its impossible to identify 90% of the things that are stored there). Maybe, if I do it enough times, my family will finally learn to put all the cheese in the 'cheese drawer' (we really like cheese, okay?), and all the yogurts in the same shelf. 

A girl can dream...

~Andie

I wish I was somewhere else... | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger

Distance

I never for once though we would get this far, this far from each other. From inseparable to disposable, and that hurts. How did we change from everything to nothing, the meaning of us?

Who though distance could change people like that... But it didn't have to be like that, I know people who made it through. So why can't we?

You'd just shrug and say: "Things change"

We can change style, company or environment and everything else around us changes too. But there's some things that shouldn't change; things I once thought had roots deeper and stronger that any change.

I was wrong.

I was wrong, I know it now. I learned it the harder way: I only realized once it was already too late to bring things back to where they used to belong. Still, I wake up every day wishing nothing had changed or that nothing changes again. And every day I fall asleep with the same disappointment filling my tired soul. 

I'm tired. Tired of fighting, of being the only one who cares, of being the only one carrying the blame when I know it's not all my fault.

Because I didn't stop trying, did I ?!?

I don't care (Appleberry) | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger  

                                                                                                                   ~Andie

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And without having anything related to this post, I'd just like to wish a Happy Birthday to a wonderful friend of mine. Even without you noticing, you were there in the moment I needed the most; Thank you for making me smile again J :)