Selfless

I would say it wasn't because I didn't do it. I think it was more the rejection itself; the word no. And I understand your anger, I do. If it was the other way around, I know for a fact you wouldn't say no, not in a million years. But that's just how you are, you put everybody else before you without complaining; you are loyal, the most loyal person I've ever met. And that is one of the (if not the biggest) reasons I fell in love with you in the first place. 

I. Am. Sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not like you, I'm sorry if I tend to be selfish it the worst moments - the ones you need me not to be. I'm sorry you have faced some hard times lately. But you also need to understand how hard it is for me too. It's all new to me, wavering between your problems and my own hardships. And I know it won't get easier once I leave... My biggest fear? That I won't seen it coming, that you'll get better at hiding it just because I happen to be miles away. And it hurts, it hurts knowing you might be hiding stuff deep inside, just because of how selfless you are, when I need you to trust me. Your problems became my problems also when we decided to become "us" instead of just "me and you". Your pain is my pain, and your happiness will make me happy too. That's how it works, it's a mutual agreement, one you signed on the dotted line with a kiss and a mute request for me to be yours. 

So stop acting like you must suffer all the pains and sorrows of the world on your own. Because you have not. And if you let me carry half the burden, the journey will be so much easier... 

~Andie Maars

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Hello dear readers :D

Another kind of dark.. something. I feel my system will crush sometime soon if all this negativity doesn't go away soon. I'll try to stop by more often., hopefully with some happier contents.  

I hope you'll have an awesome 2014 :D 
(Hope you understand how I feel now my dear)

Not So Bright...

It's Christmas time! Normally that is a synonym of happiness and joy, of giving and receiving. Happy times. But not for you, not really. 

For you, Christmas is just a remainder that last year around this time your thoughts weren't that bright. In fact, they were so dark they led you to almost doing something dreadful, and I can only be grateful for whatever reason made you change your mind at the last second. 

But that is not what really scares me the most. Yes, you tried, and it frightens me to think whether you will attempt that again... What really scares me the most is that I was there - not physically, but there. I was there and didn't see that coming; I didn't notice your mind was clouded with such dark thoughts. And it makes me wonder if I was that absently or if you were just really good at hiding it. Honestly, I don't know which is worst.

I'd like to say I did better this year, better at spotting whenever you're mad or upset. Then again, to what extent do you let me see it? How much are you hiding?

I'll probably never fully understand you nor what led you to attempt that, but I swear I'll try my hardest to be there for you whenever you need me - even if you don't ask for help.

I just hope this year I've given you enough reasons to brighten up your mind... and make you stay.

It Feels Like Christmas | by - AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Maars

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Hello fellow readers :D

I know, it's kind of dark for such a jolly season, but I needed to get it out of my system or I'd go nuts. 

Happy Holidays and I hope you have an awesome 2014 :D 

Changes

Hello

As you can see, the blog went through a huge change: Lily is no longer posting. She certainly has her reasons, and life goes on...

So now is just me, Andie. Hope you'll still stick around :)

I'm thinking about start post not only long texts but shorter things, a little rambling now and then...That way I could post more often. What do you think?

Let me know please. And feel free to leave suggestion about anything, really anything. New ideias for posts, photos, even music to play here!

~Andie Maars

Happy Right Now

I did not ask for you to be perfect, nor I want you to be; I love you as you are and I don't want you to change.

I did not ask for a fairy tale, and I know it won't always be sunshine and butterflies. We'll have good days, not so good days and maybe even bad ones. There will be days when you'll doubt yourself and other when it will be me having doubts. But do not ever doubt I love you.  

I also did not ask for a "Happy Ever After", I asked for a "Happy Right Now" because life it's too short and I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. You can say I deserve better and, honestly, I'm clueless about what life will bring, but I know that the best I know I have it in you. And, if you don't mind I stay, I'll stay, with you, in this something we have I like to call mine; ours.

I think you fail to see how important you are, how much it means to me to have you. And, putting aside all the fears and insecurities I also have, I'd rather have you focused on the "now" and let the "later" for another day.

I understand what goes on your mind, I understand the source of all the concerns, I really do. I understand how scary it can be to let something you can't control take over the reins, knowing that if it doesn't end like you wished and dreamed, or if it does end, you'll fall, it'll hurt, and it'll take a while for you to be back on your feet. And while a part of you wants to go with the flow and enjoy while it's good, the other wants you to stop right now - before the fall. I understand, I really do. But the journey it's different when you're not alone, and you have me.

Let me walk with you, side by side. Let me make mistakes with you and learn, with you also, to turn the wrong right and right what when awry. Because while you're by my side, I have my "Happy Right Now" and tomorrow... tomorrow can wait.

To Infinity... | by - AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Maars

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Hello fellow readers :D

I'm sorry for the long absence, sometimes life just gets in the way... but I'll try to stop by more often.

So, what do you think? Is it any good? Let me know please :)

As usually, you can find that photo on my DeviantArt page, feel free to stop by and say Hi!

She still said yes [Beth]

She was perfectly aware of what she was getting into, when she first said yes. 

She knew it wouldn't be a fairy tale, far from that. She knew that it'd take a huge amount of hours, if not days, for him to make a tiny effort in contacting her.; it had always been her reaching for him, since day one, and she was aware of that. But she still said yes. She knew she'd never be his number one priority, "they" would always come before her. She knew that too. But she said yes, nevertheless. 

And even with all that, she kept telling herself she was happy. And she was, she truly was happy any time he was around; happy as she had never been before in her whole life. The sadness would only strike when she was alone... But she was happy, so she held to that happiness like it was life it self and made a promise to never let go. 

But then came the crappy excuses, given way too many times, that forced her to take a step back. When he finally confessed it was already too late to mend things, to mend trust. Even after she made him promise to never lie to her again, she still felt he was hiding things from her. Those little sarcastic comments he'd make now and then had her taking a few more steps back. Although all of that, she still felt safe with him, she still felt she could trust him her deepest secrets.

  

But she'd never be able to trust him as much as she used to, when she first said yes.

~Andie Maars

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Hello fellow readers :D

Another "Beth" text, what do you think?

Let me hear your thoughts on this, will you?