Sunday Rant #2 Why?

Everything seems to be falling apart in my life lately (hence why I didn't follow trough with the promise of making #Sunday Rant a biweekly thing)... 

I'm having a hard time keeping up with my deadlines, my coworkers are a huge pain in the butt (and this is me being nice!), I have millions of things to do and I still have to squeeze my significant other into my already jammed schedule. The problem? Our schedules are complete opposites and the load of work doesn't seem like it will slow down anytime soon. 

Have I mention that my head has been trying to kill me lately too? And my headache medicine does not work as effectively as it used to which leaves me with the hard (super hard) task of trying to find something that works - and believe me, my headaches are very demanding with its medicines, the aspirin has long stopped working for me. 

So I ask why. Why me? Why does life has to me so messed up? And you know what else doesn't help the situation? My significant other seems to think it's my fault, that I don't try hard enough. I just don't know what else to do.

I'm tired, I need to sleep in for like a week to be remotely okay again and nobody seems to understand that.

Help?

Andie

Throwback Thursday: Back Home

Words seem to be running away from me lately. Or rather it takes me a lot longer to reach them ever since I returned from my stay studying abroad. I guess spending that much time away from home changes the way one sees the world. I discovered traits in me I didn't know I possessed (like you'd be amazed on how creative a hungry student can get with cooking minced meat in order to not feel like you're eating the same thing everyday - not that I did, but still...), and realized I can endure I lot more - I've stretched my breaking point beyond anything I had ever experienced and I feel stronger for it.

It changes the way you remember the people you know too. Not being there everyday didn't really changed much for me, not really. And it saddens me deeply to know just how little people you care about care about you when you're not around. Is in times like this you know whose friends are for life and whose aren't, because lets face it: doesn't it feels good to know someone misses you in those days you are feeling homesick? I believe being away gave me a new and improved filter for bullshit excuses that might become handy in the future.

And although I'll keep telling anyone that asks me that if I had the chance to redo it all over again I'd choose a different place to go, I don't really. It wasn't perfect, it had a lot of ups and downs, most of the "natives" are very (very) egocentric and conceited (but I did get to meet some of the very best of them) and I missed eating fish (never in a million year I thought I'd ever say such thing)... But it was a once in a life time experience, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Prague | by ~AndieMaars | Exclusively on blogger

~Andie Maars

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Hello :D 

I had planned on posting this a long time ago but I was struggling to make the right words come out...

Late Sunday Rant #1

I'm back. After some crazy months of moving away, far far away, and then moving all the way back home, finishing my BSc and starting a new phase in my life, and over all just being grateful for all I have, I'm back (not sure for how long tough)... and I've found a new thing to hate! Yay!

Ok, ok, it's not really new... just found out lately I... hum...- hate is a really strong word, lets just go with strongly dislike - yes, I strongly dislike it even more than before. 

I strongly dislike people that take other people for granted. Not that there is anything wrong in doing it to a certain extent, because I sure we all have done it in some point in our lives... I'm talking about those people that take other people for granted in a "I'm-gonna-break-up-with-you-because-I-wanna-party-24/7-and-sleep-around-but-I-still-want-you-to-wait-for-me" kind of way. I find it utmost disrespectful towards another's feelings, and that is plain wrong.

And then we have the people who not only condone this kind of behavior, but encourage it nonetheless. It's like being young is an excuse to act crazy and step onto other people feelings - but there's crazy and then there's insane, and this falls in the last category. I get it, ok?! We will never be as young as we are right now, and although people say life is too short, living is the longest thing we'll spend time doing. So why not live it to the fullest? 

But, is it all excusable just because we want to be "young, wild and free"? I don't think so. I believe one shouldn't have the need (nor the rights) to achieve happiness by expenses of another's misfortunes. 

But what do I know really?

~Andie Maars

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Hello :D

I'm sorry for the suuuuuuper long absence. I'll try not to let it happen again.

Here's my new...thing... Late Sunday Rants #1! Let's try and make it a weekly thing (or at least biweekly, I know I'm lazy)

More Than Yesterday

I feel terribly sorry to keep bugging you with all the love I feel for this particular person. With every post I say to myself  it will be the last, that there can't possibly exist any other way to describe the same feeling... And with every post that follows I prove myself wrong. 

But at the same time I'm not sorry. Why should I stop writing about what makes me happy? Isn't it what everybody keeps looking for, a reason to be happy? Well, this person is mine and I will write about it for as long as it does so, and most likely after too, because writing about something sad is surprisingly easy (especially if you don't expect anyone to read it). 

Anyways, my love for this person began in the moment I got to meet him, the real him and not the hard and uninterested exterior he would often display. And, just like John Green wrote, I fell in love the way one falls asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I fell hard, and it had never felt so wonderful. I believe I've said it before and I'm not ashamed to admit it again, it was the not knowing that brought me in. I was amazed by the simple fact that I had "known" that person for a whole year and as just now seeing the real him. 

Loving him was like being a kid in a candy shop. He made my blood sugar high, my heart beat faster. Every new thing I learned about him mesmerized me, and with every of those little things he let me in, and I stayed. And after all this time, my love for him is still like that first spring day after a cold winter: it makes me smile, makes me feel warm and it gives me hope. He still makes my heart beat faster, but now he also makes it beat slower because being in his arms makes all the stresses go away. I feel safe with him, in every sense.

I love him more today that I did yesterday. 

Although I, more often that not, like to call him mine, he belongs only to himself. And with all his freedom, he still comes back to me, day-by-day. I'm blessed, what else could I wish for?

~Andie Maars

Flying Forgiveness (Home is Where You Are)

I was dreading the very same moment I had been counting down to ever since you booked your flight.  For the first time, the future, the not knowing what was going to happen, terrified me; and I had never been so scared. The fear, the guilt, the sadness had been eating my insides in the previous days and I was reaching that stage where I could almost ignore it; almost.

But that day, during the entire trip to the airport, that’s when they stroke the most. My hands were shaking, my lungs felt constricted, and those fears were viciously eating whatever I still had left of a heart. Then, when the bus arrived to the destination and the doors opened for me to exit, I knew, I knew it at that very moment that if you didn’t find it in yourself to forgive me I’d drown; and this time, I wouldn’t be strong enough to fight the waves.

So I waited. I waited for your flight to land and for you to come out. I waited for my future, to know if I still had one with you.

When you showed up at last, the first thing you did was hold me in your arms and your warmth, the one I had been needing for so long, allowed me to put aside all my fears and just relish in the fact that you were there, finally. While I was in your arms there was no more fighting, no more arguing, no more struggling to go through another day alone, I felt safe. I was home. 

hanging by a thread | by ~AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Maars

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Hello dear readers

More deep thoughts, not so happy feelings and happy endings.
Although I'm already in peace with myself and everything turned out the way I wanted (but not deserved), I had to take this words out of my mind. Hope you liked it.