I used to wish that, whenever I had to go to that place, you would have decided to do the same and I’d meet you there. I wished for those little things called coincidences to do their magic. How much I wished for that to happen; and for how long I did it… Looking now backwards I don’t know how I could have ever wished for that. I guess that was just me looking for an excuse not to lose contact; an involuntary effort to keep fighting for you. But you know what? The time went by and somewhere along the way I stopped wishing for that and started wishing for the opposite; that I would never meet you there, where once you made me feel wanted; where you made me happy for a little while.
I used to wish for you to do what you ended up doing anyway. And back then it made me happy, so happy, because it was one dream that had come true. Today, that dream is my worst nightmare against whom I'm still fighting, and I wish now it had never happened because the little joy you gave me was nothing compared to all the pain you caused; because you made me happy, but then you crushed that happiness so quickly that it felt like someone had dropped a bucket full of ice cold water on me. That opened my eyes for what was right ahead and yet I couldn't see until that moment: what happened, it wasn't real, and it meant nothing...it was a mistake, a complete error (no matter how hard and how painful it is to admit it). I built up a fantasy so it wouldn't hurt, I made up in my mind that was something it could honestly never be. My brain lied to my heart, so it wouldn't get broken. It was a useless lie, the heart got broken anyway.
But I learned my lesson: I must not wish for what I know it’s wrong; I must not dream about something that I know it is going to hurt me, if the fantasy turns to reality.
~A dream can easily become your worst nightmare~
~Andie Maars
[Photo + photo-montage + quote ~ by me]
[Photo + photo-montage + quote ~ by me]
Updated Version!!! (06.12.2011)
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