Saturday, August 27, 2011

Confessions


I close my eyes. I take a deep, deep breath, and I think about all the things that have been happening lately. I shake my head, not liking the way things are. I realized that, even unconsciously, I ended up running, running away from all the problems that turn my head a completely mess, in a vain attempt of forgetting all of it. Hoping internally, that when I return they’ll be gone with the wind.
Right now, I feel I’m a coward, for not facing my problems head high as I should. I know, but still I’m ashamed, that what I’m doing won’t solve anything; it’ll only make everything worse. Right now, I truthfully hate myself for not doing what I know is the right thing to do.
I’m perfectly conscious that I hurt a few people with things I’ve said and done, but mostly with things that remained unsaid and undone; forever hidden in the depths of my mind. And I regret all of it, trust you all know that; but somehow I can’t find a way to fix my mistakes.
So, all I can do is to apologize, hoping someday you’ll forgive me. Because there are things that simply I’m not used to say or do, they are strangers to me; therefore it’s extremely hard for me to express what I’m really feeling not knowing what answer/reaction I’ll get. And even knowing this awkward shyness it’s a part of who I am, I’m trying really, really hard to change that.
“Because no matter where I went, I would not be going to anywhere – I would be running from." *

Baby Rose by ~Andie Maars (thats me! :p )
You can find this picture on my DeviantART page and feel free to look into my gallery and see my other photos)
~Andie F Maars
*Quote taken from “Midnight Sun” a novel from Stephanie Meyer that hasn’t been released yet (there’s a few chapters available on the Official Web Site, if you were wondering where I got the quote from or if you what to read it too – [link])
This post [still under construction] it’s kind of depressing and stuff… I know. Too much inner conflicts for only one person; but life it’s not always fair.