It wasn't just bad luck.. [Beth]

She's tired. Tired of the drama, tired of the tears and tired tired. She's not a quitter, she's a fighter, she doesn't give up... But right now, if she could lay her head in a flat surface and fall asleep forever, she would.

She would look in the mirror every day, and in each day that passed she recognized her reflection less and less; she was losing herself and there was nothing she could still do about it. Never for a second had she considered any of the other options that flashed through her mind, but to fight back; and there had been many other options, but all of them implied she would have to quit and she wasn't a quitter. She had fought for control from the very beginning when everything fell apart. And she'd fight every day, with all her strength, and every day she would fail; losing a piece of herself in the way.

She was failing, falling into the unknown and she couldn't understand how; because she never stopped fighting, not once. Maybe Life itself was giving up on her, or the World had something against her; what else could have happened for her life to be the way it was now? 

It wasn't just bad luck. No, that was something she knew like the back of her hand; she almost considers it like an old friend for so well she knew it. And this time it wasn't it, it was something more, something worse. 

~Andie Maars

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Hello fellow readers (if there's any) :D

I'd like to introduce you to a new character of mine that takes part in a new story I'm writing. As you might have guessed, yes, the previous post - She knows it's nothing...Isn't it?! -was about her.

And here's what I can tell you, for now,about her:

She's a pure heart kind of girl, innocent and too naive, that had just got her quiet boring little world back until everything crashed down on her; again. Now she has to face some hard decisions that go against everything she grown up believing. She thinks of her self as a weak person, but she will discover in the hardest ways that she's stronger that she given herself credit.

I'm thinking about naming her Beth-Marie (but if you have a better suggestion please let me know and I'll seriously take it into consideration).

The story doesn't exactly has a defined plot yet but I'm working on it. I'll be posting here some parts of the story as soon as I write them...

Let me hear what you think, please?!  :)

Love

Love

Don't measure amounts of Love

Measure its depth

Count the brightness of sparkles in the eyes

And those little shared smiles,

The things done

Without expecting something in return

And the way his fingers

Fit perfectly between yours when you least expecting

Count the compliments

And its contents

And remember a little cheesy feels good now and then

Don’t take things for granted

Love deeply,

Love purely,

Love with all you have

Just don’t let your heart get owned

By someone that simply doesn't care

~Andie Maars

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I was feeling a little cheesy and voilà  :D

Wednesdays

I know what you've been trough; I've been there before. And I know how much it hurts; I've felt that too. But giving up it's not an options darling - It never was, it will never be. The tears you shed yesterday will be tomorrow memories, if you aloud them to. But if you dwell on then like you've been doing lately, instead of just memories tomorrow they'll still be the painful thoughts you cried until dawn. Trust me when I say that is the last thing you want; never cry the same pains twice, it will only give them power to keep hurting you. Instead let the tears wash those unwanted feeling for you, take them out of your mind while the drops slide slowly down your face...

I used to like Wednesday...Not until 4 weeks ago it probably was my third favorite day of the week. Yes, it was a Wednesday when my heart broke for the first time, but I had already got over it long ago. I had already forgiven that Wednesday.

And it was a Wednesday when I found out how broken you are darling... Don't let those scars define you. Don't let the tears overrule your nights. But the most important might be not letting him define your happiness; because you deserve that beautiful smile that once filled your face always.

Show the world, show him, how strong you are darling. Turn the pains into strength, the tears into smiles and use this experience to prevent future ones. Never take anything for granted darling and never hand out your heart to the first guy that says nice things. I'm not saying not to love too fast - love the fastest you want dear, it's good for the heart to be swelled with love -, just keep something to yourself until you're certain you're getting something equally satisfactory in return. 

Don't measure amounts of love. Measure its depth. And you'll be fine, eventually.

I hate Wednesdays! But I love you...

~Andie Fern Maars

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Not sure if is a W.I.P or not, but it definitely needs a few retouches when I find the time to do so.  Updated 12.03.2013

B♥

F♥

You

You were my bright light at the end of a dark tunnel I had been walking through for a long time; too long. You brought a smile to a face that never really had a real worthy reason to smile since...I don't even know when! And for all that, Thank you.

"Good things come to those who wait"

I had heard that sentence being said millions of times and not once before I had found it fair, hadn’t I already waited for so long, getting nothing but pain and sorrows. It seemed that only others could be happy, only others had good reasons to smile and something to expect...and I would just stand there feeling lost, like I didn't actually belong although I was a part of it. You changed that, too.

Every day I learn something new with you, and every day you bring new feelings to my heart, and although I welcome those feelings, I can't help to feel somehow scared because I can't fully understand most of it. And when you look at me, I feel...loved. And that seems unrealistic because I don't believe being worthy of that; I can't find anything in me that could possibly make you want to stay. You can call it stupidity, I call it insecurity. The insecurities of someone who never felt loved back. 

Sometimes things happen too fast and I need to take a step back and a deep breath so I won't freak out. But fear nothing and don't think for a second that I regret having you. No matter how scared I might sometimes look, or what happens in the future, I know for sure you are and will always be something important to me; and I'll never regret that, you.

I'm sorry. I feel the need to apologize for all the words I can't say and should. It's something the heart feels but the mouth can't say...But I'll get there, eventually; make it a promise, I swear it will come the day when I’ll be finally able to let you know all you mean to me. For the time being know I feel the exact same, if not stronger. I hope that's enough, for you, for now.

Extremely happy to have you and tremendously thankful for the day you walked in; terribly terrified with the possibility you might someday walk away...because, honestly, I can't imagine life without you (no matter how cheesy that may sound).

Light | by ~AndieMaars | original On DeviantART

~Andie Fern Maars

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Even if sometimes understand you is harder than understanding "Lusíadas", hope you know now.

[Updated 25.11.2012 - I think I'm happy with it now, but any suggestion is welcomed]

Believe me darling

Believe me darling, I know what you're feeling and I know that is only temporary. Even if now it looks like it's the end of the world. Believe me, it is not. Because one day the tears will eventually dry up, the wounds will heal and the pain will slowly fade away. Because Time is all you need honey. A little or a lot it doesn't matters nor its up to you, but one day you will wake up and notice that the pain is no longer there.

And with time you will also learn to forget, even if now it seems impossible, even if you force yourself to remember, you'll reach the day when you will only remember what is truly important: what you learned and that sometime along that adventure you and him were linked by the same motives, the same feelings. And that's all that matters, nothing else.

Forgiveness is another thing that comes with Time. Although now that looks ridiculous and you only wish for him to suffer the same you do, or even more - knowing that it will probably never happen, because the one who's left behind  always suffers more. But it will come the day you'll wake up and you will no longer hold a grudge against him inside you; even if he never asks for your forgiveness, you're going to forgive him because it just shows how much of a better person you are, were and will ever be - Haven't I told you that countless times darling?

I know that now it seems difficult and possibly humanly impossible but you will get there, as I and so many others before me did.

And who knows, maybe soon you will find someone new - just like I did -, that will make your heart beat faster again? Because with each adventure that ends, there's always another just waiting to start; never forget it my dear.

Remember also that I'm always here, if you need a shoulder where to temporary lay your head...

Believe me, my dear | by ~AndieMaars | On DeviantART

~Andie Fern Maars

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A friendly advice to a special friend, from someone that has been there, returned and found a new beginning. Hope you all like it (: